I'm not completely around anymore

Though my presence is clearly here, all fleshy and pink,
my mind has long since left it's crudely built home.

I can't say I miss the damned thing

It did leave my being somewhat empty,
empty within and empty without...

Poetic, I feel it's as stupid a phrase as could be overused by me in this regard,
but appropriate and as fair of an insult I could possibly grant myself here.

I find myself staring into dark at all times,
trying to find something
where something has no place
a grain of sand in a glass of water
a tiny rescue-raft floating in thin air

Something to cling to
cause I've lost touch
my fingers cannot clutch reality anymore
and I find myself falling
... not really caring
and wanting to dream
when I can't even calm down enough to sleep

Alone, but not lonely...

Fixated on the word "Alone"... unaffecting the world around
gladly I view a world beyond my grasp,
beyond even my breath... my used air... to touch.

I should be at ease, and I am...
not calm, not collected, not clear... but at ease

I'd love to be done with this...

I envision a world without me with a smile on my mind,
as my face haven't the ability needed to project naught but lies

Is that what I am?

A liar?

Wouldn't that be beautiful... to be a liar among liars...
I envy the liar, the lack of care in the liar's mind

I can't lie, not really... I could never keep track of what words I'd used...
I'd be a horrible liar, or an awesome one... 'till you call me on one
or ask me a followup question
I'd never remember... I'd never know if I lie though... maybe I do,
and forget that I do... nothing stick in my lost mind.

I'm going to try my best to not be awake now...
to sleep would be nice... but I know myself... at best I'll be calm...

That is all...

/