To my beloved husband ,

I know it might not make any sense, but if you only knew how much I miss you right now. Maybe longing for you is a better word. I would say hurry up and come into my life, but I am not sure I am ready to meet you yet. Not convinced that I have gone through enough heartache to feel finished grieving and be on the other side of the tunnel yet. So I am patiently waiting. I guess in a way, its waiting for my heart to hurt, waiting for it to be fully broken to put the pieces in place. It scares me, to tell you the truth, it scares me to the bones. You remain my light in the darkness; thinking about how your love will complete me. Not just you loving me, but I can only imagine how it will bless my life to love you. To love you laughter, your funny jokes (betting only half funny for others), to love how you understand me like no-one ever has, to love how you put others before yourself and that you are secure enough to swallow you pride, to love that you are mostly right but never shove your opinion on me or make me feel dumb for not understanding or seeing it differently. But what I miss the most is cuddling up next to you now, laying my head on your chest and feel your heartbeat. You'll stroke my hair and ask me whats on my mind, maybe if I have a favorite color of the day. You'll laugh so much I can feel your body vibrate against mine when I say I'm reconsidering my opinion of yellow, and you'll reply I never cease to amaze you. I miss you already, and I don't even know your name, let alone my own to be last name. But I know you are out there, perhaps waiting to find me too. I can't wait to start spending the rest of my life loving you.