I wish I could stop obsessing
I wish I could stop obsessing about obsessing
my brain just running on empty
when it is not fabricating events
that will never happen

I wish I could stop obsessing
about what I should or should not do
what I should say,
what I said
what I almost said

Do I write to much?
do I write to little?
Am I a pain, am I just right?
Hardly that, I'm never "just right"
I am always to much

To much love
to many words
to many failures

I should not write! No! No contact!
They are tired of me, surely they must
I obsess about not writing
but the brain does not know negatives
so finally I write
just one more time

One more time to many

Maybe you answer
maybe you don't
I run around the empty streets in my mind
looking for something, anything, to distract me from you

I have never said this
because it is bad
it is not right, not healthy, not good
Am I sick? Do I need help?
Do other people hate me?

Yes! No! I don't know!
I am to much, better not write at all!
But....I need your words, your presesence
and I don't really know why
so I write, and a cringe, and I beat up myself
I told me I should not write
no contact, no sounds from messenger

Because I am a burden
and the contact that you once had
has turned silent
radiosilence

But maybe not
maybe you just _have_to much to do?
Yeah right. The voices in my head do not lie. Do they?

I have written to you, once more
and again I am worried
that this will be the last time

Maybe

Probably

Surely

I am sick