What kind of tracks would I have on my cd, if my cd represented the life I didn`t choose? Many people would think it is irrelevant, because we are here and Now, and we Have chosen, many adult-seriousity people would say. Is it mature, to leave things behind? Or are we just playing adults? Even if we legally and fysically are enbodied grownups. People tell you, when you have to imaginary thoughts, to ;

-Grow up.

But if my life was a If-track, and I would have chosen differently, how would I have chosen?
Just look at the Boyfriend-facts, it`s a fact that has been current evn though I now have left them behind.

Boyfriend number one, was just a boyfriend in my eyes, we had sex now and then, back in the old days. That was the use of him, and me OF COURSE.

Boyfriend number two...
We had a very bad relationship, he talked bad things of me, behind my back, but when we were together , everything was fine OF COURSE.

Boyfriend number three...
We had an open relationship, but he talked bad of me in front of his friends openly, he could have sex with others and flirt with them even if I was in the room, I gotta admit; I was jealous then, And I loved him, more than I would or should, at the time. But it was someone to love, OF COURSE.

Boyfriend number four...
He loved me much, and I loved him back, we were on a equal love-scale, from time to time, I tried to break up with him sometimes, but I always came back, until one day I had enough. He was an alcoholic, he needed me, I needed him, OF COURSE.

Boyfriend Number Five, we did the jive, in the bedroom. Well somethings you just have to keep private, and this is the thing that I needed him for. The closeness, and nice friendship he offered, OF COURSE.

Boyfriend number Six, made me sick. I mean we were not meant to be. He often putted me to sleep, when I heard his voice on the phone. One day I came across his home, and he had habbits that at the time, wanted me to scream, but if I had met him a little numbers of years before... I would have been over -joyed with the choice of him as a boyfriend, His habbits were to eat Nutella-sandwishes for breakfast and that was one part of me , that I couldn`t stand, the other was that he played SuperMario-Games, it would have been fun for me, if I was in the teens, and not as it were now, I was too grownup, in my mind. He was A nice guy though and times after the breakup, I wondered why he wasn`t enough for me.

Maybe I`ve highered my standards, and that`s how I met my current boyfriend, he has faults like everybody else, but just not their faults. He is perfect for me, and he cares about me in a way, nobody else did at the current time. But the point is; If I put all my exes together in one shape, I would have this as a impossible boyfriend, (though they are not my standards anymore), He would be;
A person that is very insecure about if he can love somebody, and shows love and affection from time to time, He would talk about my negatives both in front of me and in hides, He could flirt with somebody else, even if I were present, He was even an alcoholic, He would have an enormous apetite on sex, He would have a soothing voice, and play videogames all day long, that was in my imaginary added up-cart, the way a monster-life is fulfilled. But still, I gotta say, all the bad things these guys had, gave me something, some fulfillement at the time. But now, even though I have met my Prince, I would tell Everybody around me IRL or URL , to love themselves first before ;and if you are involved in a relationship.