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a soul in torment / a soul in contentment (part I)



This is Isak/Page latest attempt at self-therapy.

I figure I am a soul in torment, and if I could ease it to a soul in contenment that would be good.

I have no one to talk to that I trust.

I have no one to talk to that I trust.

Some sms friend or two that is about it.

So I am drug-free, that means don't use drugs.

I have gone by the quote:
''livet är en resa, inte en destination''

And people, have asked me well what is the destination?

How about, a soul in torment / a soul in contenment - can that be a goal - let's hypothesize yes

So financially I'm ok

A little low

But financially I'm ok

As far as friends and relatives

I am pretty much an author recluse

And have said I don't do friendship

I am forty-five

I want to settle down

I have been saying that a long time

Never seems to happen

The game of love lose in it all the time

Hopeless Romantic - FOR SURE

I am SUPER-SENSITIVE

Always have been

Though after, the much talked about, two nervous breakdowns

I am still super-sensitive, but don't feel much

Psychiatry, don't even talk about it, what a joke!

Ok, where is my strattera, there I don't have adequate!

How much more bullshit do you want me to talk about the psychiatry

Am I a liar and a thief?

By definition, neither

I have told some lie, but I am not a liar

Again, I have no one to talk to that I trust

A soul in torment, a soul in contentment

So I am writing openly about my life

Sexually frustrated

One could probably say

But love comes first

And as I mentioned I always lose in love

At least so far

So at forty-five

How do I get to a life of contentment

I have enough hobbies to keep me busy as that

Betting, backgammon, writing, music among other things

So that is good

Hobbies satisfied

The girl/woman

That is going to change my life, right?

I do believe in true love, I do believe in the love of one's life

I had ''j'', and God how long it took me to get over her

It is a feeling of closure, which I needed

If she ever gets back to me, that would be what it would be

So moving on, after ''j''

I am terrible at the game

Seems like I know every love song ever made

Bob Dylan (do I have to mention Bob Dylan in every piece?) sings on Infidels ''knows every love song that has ever been sung''

Well I feel that way

And Lionel Richie didn't know how to talk to his wife

Wrote (I think he wrote them at least) and sung beautiful love songs

Yet could not talk to his wife (he was on the Oprah Winfrey show for it)

So for me, it is fuck, or make love

Sex is for porn

Porn is for sex

I guess that is an Ok view

Fuck, or make love

Sex is for porn

Porn is for sex

And ''j'' gone ... well I don't want to go into details, ...and she is gone

If she ever comes back, that would probably be a plus

So fuck, or make love

Sex is for porn

Porn is for sex

And getting back to the title, a soul in torment / a soul in contentment

There is more to life than: fuck, or make love

But it is a huge part

Most of the friends I HAD are ...''like'' married and have children now

I have no contact with anybody in the Usa anymore, ''e'' was the last, and she ''left'' when I was all worried the police were on my email.

So what is there to say a soul in torment / a soul in contentment

This is part I

And God do I expect someone to read this

I don't know, I guess not

It IS self-therapy

At least trying

Again I have no one to TALK to that I trust and like

That is pretty bad, and it has been like that for about two or three years

...So ''place X'' I'd rather not talk about it I guess

And the g-spot

And all that

The girls have said I'm good in bed

But there is a twist, I feel no pleasure from physical contact

That's a huge thing, and if anybody read that, they might be, to some degree, amazed

Yes I feel no pleasure from physical contact

That started at age twenty-two so has been going on for twenty-three years

I made an ultimatum to myself, it was regarding ''r'' and well it didn't happen

And I had a breakdown, it was like a 50/50 deal without numbers

And it didn't pan out

And here I am writing my life history, on a writing site

My behavior CAN be erratic

And I don't know if that is necessarily bad

Seems like people are trying to steal your feelings, and thoughts all the time

Like some people will do anything to be popular

I was popular in Usa

I came when I was eight to Usa, and everybody ''wanted to play with the swedish kid''

I was popular in Usa

Now I am not popular

And I am getting psychologically tired

Can Isak/Page maintain a writing-thread by following this up with part II?

That remains to be seen

Because I don't think I have worked out my problems yet

So I have adequate interests and hobbies

I don't have adequate strattera, psychiatry suck a big fat dick!

I AM UTMOST introvert

And it doesn't really work in this society

This topic has been touched upon recently

So a life in torment or a life in contentment

Or as the title reads

a soul in torment / a soul in contentment

Can I defy all odds and make a part II of this

THIS IS MY LIFE    RAW    NAKED    OPEN

I could tell you Anything about my life

If ''you'' ask at the right time

I have nothing to hide

I guess I am a saint or close-to-a-saint

I already just recently wrote about my altruism

I put people's worth equal to mine

Completely insane

I care about others (THE GOOD PEOPLE) as much as myself

Completely insane

And with or without Lsd can't seem to do anything about this

Lsd I don't would be the solution either

Basically I had an evil father

And went to bible school (in Sweden) as a little kid

And there I probably got my altruism

And then went (NOT on here poeter.se) from being popular to not popular

And what can be said

A soul in torment / a soul in contentment

Contentment means ''nöjd''

So that could be my goal, though my mind is always shifting, to be content

That could be it: to be content

And I need a break to piss

My goal is to be content




Övriga genrer (Drama/Dialog) av Page Goldenboy VIP
Läst 21 gånger
Publicerad 2024-05-29 09:35



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  Page Goldenboy VIP
Thank you for your inlägg Dreamcatcherpoetry.
As far as alsterets längd, yeah it is pretty much self-therapy.
curcumstance is spelled circumstance.
Yeah, I feel like I'm charge of my life, except for oppression I guess. And that is a strong word.
Thank you for saying you liked it.
Contentment (nöjd) is the goal (mål) I figured out - for my life.
2024-05-29

  Dreamcatcherpoetry
To take charge of your life you need to take full responsibility for your RE actions and Actions.
You have the power to change. Dont be a victim of curcumstance.
I like this, but it's a little bit too long which gives it a little bit of a daunting feeling.

2024-05-29
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