more online than offline. i said the opposite before, but i dunno. now that im more awake my online presence is depressing. people just dont say a lot. there was a chick on miss poetry site some time back, who i talked a lot to. she did think though i was a methhead. i asked if she wanted to meet, and she said she was real busy and it would probably take a long time. but also, that it was under no pretense "anything romantic at all". and thats about all ive gotten this year. i can now watch vids and im looking at em all day. its 3 senses, music, lingual and pictorial. so it makes me happier.

i also have stronger dreams and remember them some. and... no anxiety. so its better. but ever since i reduced meds by loads, i seem to have strange deficienices. i want some friend to buy me some vitamins, but got no one to ask. sometimes my teeth feel like glass. its freaky.

anyway, the latest vid im watching right now is about DMT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mZEtiMvqIU

they have a really scientific approach to it which is nice. and its only supposed to be a high for 5-15 mins? sounds perfect...

though, i have experienced something similar. i didnt have all my meds when going to the hospital some months ago, and the staff cleaned the space with surface sanitizer. thats 80% alcohol.

since then for awhile, when i closed my eyes, or looked at a blank space, i would get 5 second visions, over and over. was almost impossible to rest, since after 20 secs or so i just had to open my eyes. i dont remember much about them, but i did write down some. but it wasnt that amazing...