Cheating doesn’t only mean having sexual contact with someone. Writing to another woman/man, giving them attention, letting them believe they have a chance with you—these are all forms of infidelity.

People tend to think cheating only begins when a physical boundary is crossed. That as long as it hasn’t reached the bedroom, it doesn’t really matter. But the truth is, betrayal begins the moment you intentionally choose to give another woman/man something that should belong exclusively to your partner.

Maybe it’s hidden messages, flirtatious jokes, compliments, glances, or words that make the other person feel special in your eyes. Maybe you haven’t been to bed with them, but you’ve opened the door. And once the door is open, it’s only a matter of time before someone walks through it.

Infidelity means directing your energy toward someone else—attention, time, emotional involvement. It’s about who you choose to give a piece of yourself to. Who you make feel desired, important, seen.

Many don’t want to hear this. They’ll say “It’s harmless,” “We’re just talking,” “It’s nothing serious.” But if you feel the need to hide what you’re doing, if you wouldn’t dare show your partner the messages, if you know you wouldn’t like the same thing done to you—then it’s infidelity.

Loyalty isn’t measured only by what you do in front of her/him. But especially by what you choose to do when she/he isn’t looking.

— Psychotherapist, Ionescu Alexandra