I did lick a toad behind the shed
something is going on in my head
The grass whispers in French to me
is that a cat or a cinnamon roll tell me

Am I a good boy who gets to decide
my life sure is one hell of a ride
Once without meaning I ate the couch
not a great idea I today can vouch

Sometimes they give me cute as a label
but I am chaos in fur truly unstable
You may look and see me cute and asleep
soon I parkour on walls and you weep

Who is that weird mailman that drops by
throwing crap through the door just die
Someday I will get his pasty white ass
that dude has no grace no style no class

Then how about squirrels rats in trees
conspiring dickheads oversized flees
They talk in code and mock from above
what the hell are they really a part of

Once I ate underpants a taste so divine
but I travelled in time was not fine
The almighty barker taught me my role
protect humans and lick the toilet bowl

So scratch my head and call me a good boy
in your honor I have shoes to destroy
That droolworty chicken over there
give it to me show me you want me here