"I need some entertainment and escape from reality to relax. Is that so wrong? I can do without a few brain cells. There's nothing sensible to use them on anyway, as far as I know."

My look at you when we sat in front of your TV gave away my slightly self-censored opinions, which you've all heard before. I know lots of sensible things you could do instead, that's for sure. But, even I'm not some robot filled with energy who is constantly performing and growing. There are ideals none of us can live up to. That's not the purpose of Life either. You laugh a little and find my somewhat superficial musings amusing. Will you remember this moment?

"I'm good. A little above average at least. So I count."

We drink some coffee. Talk about the weather and nothing else. Your smile is fresh and your tone girlish. We then stand in the hall and are about to go out for a walk. Do some shopping. I see your face contort into a mask of hardness. We go out and I sense a coldness and a stiffness from you. You defend yourself against the judgment of others and play a role of importance and belonging with an identity you have been forced to defend. Nothing unusual or strange about this. This has been our society for a long time.

" I have feelings. I often cry briefly and a little to release the pressure. I don't know what the reason is... I don't remember. I can't remember."

Later in the evening you bend your head down on a pillow on a sofa to rest a little and you look at me with kindness and trust. I smile and never wonder who you are. Just like millions of others, but you are still unique, you don't want to remember what happened and what fundamentally hurt you. As a child, you encountered spirits who tried to make you remember your past life and your parents only heard your voice and laughed at you. They mocked you and smiled in your sleep until you felt how bad it was to be mistrusted. No promises from you were believed and you gave up. You denied what you saw in front of you, because it was most comfortable. You couldn't win against your parents' authority. No one believed you.

But, I believe in you. Then as now.