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Bard learns the hard way that excessive drinking is bad.

Fata Morgana

Fata Morgana

Fair maidens of Qeynos, come here gather round
Your radiant beauty will always astound
Argh! Laddies I see that your presence me hound.
Just don’t block my view! Don’t utter a sound!

If all ye are comfy, the ladies I mean. Prepare to see all the men pale
Their knees will weaken, their faces turn green. “Fata Morgana”, I’m calling my tale

October it was some decades ago
The sky was gray, and soon it would snow
Alone I was and my soul was crying
The horrible scream of a bard’s spirit dying
The tempests were flailing and felling each elm.
I sought my relief at “The Golden Helm”

My drenched cape I threw, to dry at the stove
And looked for a morsel with passionate glow
Alas in the tavern sat one female soul
Warty and ugly, an old lady troll

So I turned to the barkeep, said “Light up my life!”
“Pour me a strong one, sharper than knife”
He said “If yer brave, I’ve got beverage new”
“Perhaps I should warn thee, it’s called “Fairies’ brew””

“If no love I have, then no life I got”
“and thus can’t be killed, so pour me a shot”
So spoke I to him and sat myself down
And quaffed the served poison, and let myself drown

As soon as I’d drunk it, I yearned for some more
I turned to the barkeep and told him “Encore!”
He served me another, and told me “Take care!”
I swallowed the mixture and screamed “I’m a bear!”
The potion it burned and it dried out my throat
- “Serve me another, ye ol’ bearded goat!”

When I counted my sixth drink and told him “A cup!”
He said “Ye’ve had dozen! Go out and throw up!”
For once we agreed and I rose to my feet.
Reality shifted! My mind went to meet.

The tavern was sparkling with rainbows light
And in every corner a fairy took flight
Although it was magic it could not compare
To the marvelous beauty of maiden so fair

She sat at a table, a blossom so pure
I thought to myself, she is married for sure.

But never, oh never a bard should retreat
I wrote her a poem and went to her seat.

“Milady, Milady bare with me a while”
“I just had to praise how I worship your style”
“Your teeth, oh your teeth. How perfect they tile”
“I love how they sparkle and show when you smile”
“Your hungry eyes, your stature and pose”
“Your musky scent, your pointy nose”
“You and I, our souls are the same”
“I beg thee, I beg thee please tell me thy name”

The bar was filled with laughter and smirk
“How drunk are ye Mirtul, ye blathering jerk?”
So said all the patrons but I did not care
The words of a poet can enter hearts lair

I picked up her hand and caressed her frame.
She whispered “Morgana… Morgana’s my name”.
I tasted her neck and braided her hair.
I knew it was time to take her elsewhere.

I knew they were jealous that I filled her mind.
Because as we left, they said “Love is blind”
I found us a carriage and shining white horse
It pulled us to heaven with deity’s force.
A bed of clouds we shared in the skies
And darkness envelops as sunlight subsides.


I woke from my slumber, my cheek felt a pat
I opened my eyes. “Oh God! It’s a rat!”
This isn’t heaven and clouds ain’t my bed
These are the sewers and there floats a head.
I looked for the carriage and stallion so white.
I saw but a coffin and one klicknit mite.

I grabbed for my poem, my throat had a lump
It said : “Foxy lady! Get naughty! Let’s hump!”
“I did not write that!” I screamed, though I knew -
that what I remembered was not really true.

I realized then the truth of it all
The infamous Bog Man had paid me a call.
For those few of you who the Bog Man don’t know
The vilest of beings, the lowest of low.
He steals all your gold, turn your thoughts into fog
He sneaks up at night and turns breath into bog.
With club made of wood he whacks you on head
And leaves you a shivering shell in your bed.

What more vicious evil could the Bog Man have done?
Nothing I noticed, so quickly I spun.
The vision that met me, my last life force stole.
By all that is holy! I’ve slept with a troll!

Fri vers av Mirtul
Läst 664 gånger
Publicerad 2007-08-26 15:28

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Den här lyckades hålla ett leende på mina läppar rakt igenom! En del imponerande rimm... en del nödrimm. Men stort; Snyggt!

Den här texten skrev jag som ett uppträdande till min bard i rollspelet everquest 2. Det tog mig till en delad förstaplats i en bardtvävling som hölls på min server.

Viss del av terminologin krävs det att man har spelet EverQuest 2 för att förstå.

Så en liten parlör för den oinsatte:

Qeynos = Staden som min bard bor i.
Klicknick mite = Skalbagge, vanlig att se i EQ:s fauna.

Tack går till gillet som anordnade tävlingen och till alla andra barder som uppträdde den kvällen och gjorde den oförglömlig.

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