I redefine things as I go
the concept of home seems like a solid, straightforward one.
But ever so lucid as I contemplate my relation to it.

It is not independent of close ones.
Some close ones may not be as close as one would wish.
Then the degree of homeness is less than complete.

There is one part of me missing for the equation of my home to even out.

Perhaps a few pieces actually.

The pieces ultimately, put together, bring peace of mind.
And it is this peace of mind that I perceive as home.

That being said I always felt home within the realm of mathematics
and sometimes in similar abstractions and visualization of imaginativ recreational construct to connect my inner world.

I think in motion of patterns and mathematical visualizations.
words goes around as background echoes and sort of attempts
to passively communicate thoughts to compensate my lack of belief in
the perception of my inner worlds comprehensibility.

If I only communicated with my self, verbal communication would not be nessesary, other than for pure amusement

I feel at home in the world that recreates itself in a blend of
mathematics, science, imagination and technology.

The technological part is a vehicle.

But there is something beyond that.

Something closer to a jazz musicians approach to music.
The expression.
And the sort of non-dogmatism diametral to the classical musician.

I feel more at home there.

Perhaps somewhere closer to architectural state of mind.
To be able to create.
Sometimes even define the rules of a world.
without inventing the wheel.

I have to find out. Or sort of decide a starting point of creativity each time.
Where do axioms/atoms begin.
At what level do I create.

Nothing has meaning if it has been done before, to a certain degree.

But the need of familiarity, is an essential ingrediant of homeness,
and what is familiar is often that which is not innovative.

So maybe that explains why I do things unusually and sometimes backwards.

In any case.

I'm searching for home