She laughed off the petty stares of demon-people's whispers
as she walked on down the mud-stained path
to a place never-ending--
praying for a new beginning

She wrote her suicide note in painkillers in a stranger's cradle
hoping that a child's laughter could bring her back
from the edge of the abyss that she stared into
as she tried to weave the strings of fate into a new scarf

She was indifferent in the face of impending doom
as she tried to slit her iron throat;
it's not like she wanted to die
she just didn't really want to live either

And as the ivory towers that separated the heavens from earth collapsed
she picked up the bricks and threw them right back;
she drank the sanzu river
hoping to fill the painful hollow

And as darkness waited beyond the gates to the mountain of six worlds
she told King Yama to flip a coin:
heads meant a perpetual state of living as if life meant something
with tails sending her into the harsh reality of her predicament

And as he flipped the coin,
she really didn't know which side she wanted to see
true to the name of being a kingslaying insect,
the sound waves of her screams became a lethal swarm

She hoped that she would gain something from her journey,
a completeness to replace her inner hollow
but as the mud-stained road never ended
she had to realize that she was walking down the path of endless disconnect
-- the downward spiral that breathes abyssal depths,
the desired oblivion of nirvana