I have grown desensitised to things that used to scare me
so instead of the usual crying eyes, I respond by blankly staring
I know it's coming, I'm prepared, and I brace myself for impact
I know it's wrong that I'm not scared, but I long for some contact

with anything
or anyone

the only thing that scares me anymore
is the fact that I'm not terrified of death
and since my sense of self has sailed off-shore
maybe I should draw my final breath

but who will feed my cats on the day I kick the chair
who will message all my friends and say how much I love them if I'm not there
who will write my songs
who will make my art
who will become the person I'm meant to be if I tear myself apart

at least I can still appreciate
the fact that I somehow still have friends
and since I am much too weak to carry all this weight
it is comforting to know that I still have them

to rely on