i think about the girl i was supposed to be a lot
not out of shame because we both know i’m better off without you
but jealousy
not jealous of the sexism or the men that objectify
i’m especially not jealous that you’re a woman
but im drowning in envy while you still live on because you did not miss a year of school just to be in the mental hospital
because you didn’t spend hours of your childhood and my teenage years taking selfies and body pics that you can’t even look at anymore
but i’m happy for you
i’m happy you don’t know the fastest way to the hospital
i’m happy that your body is working like you want so you’ll never know what it feels like to have surgery
i’m so happy that “lifelong weekly injections” is a sentence you don’t understand
it’s great that sex ed is useful for you
and that you have that family you really want
but i’m not sorry for leaving you behind
you tortured me from the inside and almost killed me
i refuse to be sorry for seeing a happy light in the end of this maze
mvh, the person i was supposed to be