Have you ever tried to imagine a color
But the only color that pops out is red
First all over your mind later stained on your shaking hands
now it starts to sweat as you turn them over, showing your palms
Your feets turns blue
With the floor
Can you feel it?
I've been there and I am there
Felt the demon talking directly to me as I'm losing control all over again
No one would see me reshaped, disforming, into a new thing
Don't worry it's just an illusion from your sight
But for me a reality
I can't lift heavy objects when it's around me lurking in the corner next to Jesus
But the most important, I can't talk,
It doesn't want me to talk
Can't express the feeling in the moment
because, it hates feelings
It hates love
It isolates me from everyone
From everything
Even from myself
Outside I am just an ordinary, autistic, girl
Sorted in the box by the stereotypes
A product by people
A product by god
When I lower my eyes his gone
Left with space between my fingers and space in my mind
now I can talk again
Sometimes it stays for the night leaving me empty on the morning
Takes parts of me then gives it back
It's a game
It's a fight for my soul
My freedom
It can't break me apart
But it can hold me back
Only god can save me now