If I died today
I would have cleaned my room,
make my bed without creases when I use my hands on the fabric.
I would have given my beautiful body some water from the sink
I would have worn my red dress that I got from my mother who got from her best friend.
I would have taken one last ride on the train one last time
Spare my eyes on the environment,
Spare my eyes on you.
I would have gone to my home village,
walk past the blue house, collecting flowers from the yard,
knock on my childhood friend's door one last time,
I would have kissed the flowers, smell the air,
hug the nurses from the hospital my mother gave birth to me in.
Tell them how happy I am,
for life, but also unhappy,
If I died today I would have hugged my sister goodbye, kiss her on her cheek,
tell her how I lived 10 years without her and now she will do the same for me
Tell her about the baby,
how I held her and promised her to be safe,
how no one would hurt her,
If I died today, I would miss myself forever
If I died today, I wouldn't have asked my father for an apology because he simply don't deserve my time, he took my time,
If I died today, I would come back stronger,
with resilience,
with a purpose again to wake up,
rebuilding my strength.
Trust me, I'm just taking a pause from living,
If I died today, I would have seen my mother cry,
My brother scream,
My sister hate me,
but worst,
my body wasted,
I'm sorry, If I died today.