I was listening to cecilia today by simon and garfunkel – sort of a good-bye song to jose, it was like an experiment, on top of all the things today, and it didn’t do much – but you are shaking my confidence daily. i like experiments. the title are neil young lyrics.

this is going nowhere. it was an experiment to see if it was going to go somewhere. tomorrow i should pick up my toner and looks like I might win a football game – drought. this is not an utvald text. but i got to work through all this stuff. both mother and father are deadbeat. father is lazy too. and rich. i just emailed him, i got so pissed at him today because he treated me like shit after i was all nice to him, and SAID I WANT TO SEE 10.000 ON MY SWEDBANK ACCOUNT TODAY!!! you think the bastard, rapist will do it. i doubt it. might. Let me check my football game. wrong team has just scored lol  lol = laugh out loud  so tomorrow i go to the store and pick up the toner. my father is fucking rich. PH.D. in physics, that is where i got my brain cells, there IS NO SIMILARITY to my dad. mother deadbeat. next topic. i slept 1 hour last night. i sleep like 2-5 hours a  night, if even that. Haven’t counted lately. love life. jose. etc. give her 2 3 weeks till possibly any answer at all – there won’t come an answer before that. extremely lonely – i had a ton of friends – they all betrayed me. doubt anyone is reading this. skatteverket horde av sig idag och det kanske blir Anastasio man måste motivera det – rapist father? kind of messed up with i tried ansöking to Fee for that. well make it to the store tomorrow toner. medicin at 20.00, 10 minuter sen, inget problem. litium zeldox cool with that. who is cool. Is someone still cool at 46. in high school they say ‘’stay cool’’ and i just told dad today just say no to laziness….. motherfucker literally of course – but yeah let’s see if he dishes out 10.000 till tomorrow, don’t think so. jag tror han tjänar mer än en halv miljon kronor om året. SPELAR INGEN JÄVLA ROLL. lena fyhr var en terapeut. väntar för min terapeut. kommer inte hända. kommer inte få det. kan psykiatrin. dom ljuger skit mycket till mig. elaka. så titeln though your confidence might be shattered it doesn’t matter – patience tålamod – mantra – nån kanske undrar varför du är så öppen – DET HÄR ÄR BARA YTLIGHETER………….. i alla fall se om far skickar 10.000. tror inte det. han fucked mig over big time today, i was all nice to him, and he turns his authoritative back. har jag gjort nåt stavfel. han gör mig självmedveten. och jag vill sluta.