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Dagbok
Dagbok - Januari 2010
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Tisdag den 19 Januari 2010
to you...I sit alone, about 4 miles from you, waiting, to go back home, waiting, to see your eyes again. Because that´s the way it´s been for a while now; everything has been about you, everything is about you, and I want to keep it that way.. But yes, I do see the flaws in my plan just as clearly as your voice said them. So, I decided, with your wishes in mind as well, to start writing again. So for the last hour I have been reading through all these old lyrics and poems and words about me and people and memories and pain and tears and love – or at least what love in my mind was before I met you. It has been more or less three months. Three months to some is nothing, to someone else it is a lifetime. To me it has been panic. It has been passion. It has been tears, thoughts about the future, panic attacks and a feeling growing that I am not good enough for you. Not that you feel that way – just, to me you are fucking perfect. ..and then at one moment, whichever it was, it hit me like a brick in the back of my foolish head; when did I get so stupid? So silly? So idiotic? Since when am I a person who would tear myself and my believes down like I have been? It is true, it is so true – in my heart You are Perfect! I have never in my life used that word about someone in a positive way before.. But why have I been feeling like I do not deserve your presence? Like I don´t deserve your touch? Your loving words? The compliments you´ve stopped giving me, because I´ve been killing them.. I want it. Babe I want it all! It is like I told you this morning; ‘There is nowhere on this planet I´d rather be than here with you. It is time I start showing you that, isn´t it?’ |
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