Brothers, father, mother
I am deeply ashamed at times because I hurt you so bad
But I can't help it sometimes, because I wish for other things
For me, life is measured not in how many times you succeed,

My life is measured by what you have experienced
safety and stabilty and the monolithic act of not letting
deep love turn to resentment
Only one of them is mine

You see, the path I wish to walk, it's a philosophical concept
wherein trying to succeed and win every time you can
but you know, but I don't think you really know

I define myself a poet, of skill in words and coherent thought

And it was many years ago I decided I wished to see life, long or short
from the top and from the bottom. If I gave my best everytime
and aimed for a perfect win without a single loss

How the fuck would I be able to write poetry and prose
and words and thought

if the only foundation I've aquired intellecually is just half of what life

really means


I'm sorry I hurt you from time to time, I'm sorry Dad that worthless is the only world you know that describes me, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry.


But even though I cry for the tears and hard words
I will not change my way for yet a little while

Because, if I did change my ways as you want
I'll kill every part of myself from which I define myself.


I wouldn't die, no, but I would be dead inside.

Perhaps in a few years, I'll finally grow up and turn to what you want,

but it will not happen until that time's come


Because.. I'd rather have no family that live a life without soul
You see I'm a dreamer through and through, and without my dreams
You'd have a son, sure. But not a son who will love you, not a son who could look back and say:


At least I followed my dreams. At least I have a soul. At least I didn't just fucking survive until the end.

Micael, Dad: I love you to death, but I am not you. You're older, wiser and reasoably smart. Thank you for all you're taught me. But you have to realize I, also, have an exceptional mind and you can talk _with_ me, not _to_ me.

Åsa, mother, I love you dearly. You're an amazing mom. Can you please accept I am different, and what I put value in are not the same as yours.

Don't try to change me, please. Help me! Help me find a way for me to live my life somewhere where I belong.

Brothers, I love you to death. Ludde, you're a genius athletically. Freddie, you're a genius on music.

Me? I'm a genius of the road, un 'viajero'. I want to visit the world, and learn, and get into danger and get out of them. I want something Sweden just can't supply .. I need new languages. I need street performing. I want the kind of life where I can be myself in a way not even you, my family rarely, rarely ever get to see.


All in all.. I love you guys to death. But in the big picture of things.. I won't change much for a few years. I need to go find a place where I belong.



But .. I love you so goddamn much. Please, let me be myself, and help me with the little things .. just leave the big issues you have alone.


Damn, I love you all.