Money does not eaqual happieness.
That was probably one of the first mature lessons i learned in life.
All i ever kept hearing from mom and dad, was this constant arguing and fighting about money.
We lived in a big house with quite the space and a lot of things.
Dad played casino games and poker down at the local pub and my mother spent hundreds of dollars on expensive coats and shoes.
All the things a greedy person with the dream of luxary and success wanted.
But they were never happy.
They were very moan of what was theirs and they would never give anything.
They were both very egocentricitet people. As long as they had their wills gone through nothing else matterd.
But their bad habits and their unhealthy obsession with their expensive lifestyles soon cought with it's price.
A bill, and a few visits by the bailiff turned their heads around.
They couldnt pay for electriciry, and they were in Deep dept.
Eventually we had to move...
Everything was chaos.
Stress, anger, fear, guilt, blame, frustration, sorrow. Those were some of the keywords for me growing up.
We moved to a new town into a smaller apartment that mom and dad could afford. It was the first year of highschool. It meant new people and new friends. So i was looking forward to moveing on.
Only a few of the kids i knew from my previous school were starting there as well and i really didnt know them so it was all completely new.
I remembered that day very well. It was one of the worst days of my life, one that i at first had wished i could had just removed out of my life.
I had packed everything and was set to go to the new school.
I didnt have time to say goodbye to my parents since they were to busy arguing over something.
I got on my bike and rode off.
I arrived near the bike parking sets, all the sets were taken so i headed on for a bit further. A bush covered the sight from where the bike parkings followed, i got to the edge as the sets changed direction, and as i got over the corner i discovered another biker comeing straight towards me. I grabbed my stearing in surprise as i quickly turned to the side, unfortunately so did he, i turned back to the other side, but so did he, i turned back again and my next move was neighter.... We slammed into eachother with the tires.
Both were scilent. "Oh my god, he must think im an idiot..." I thought to myself.
"Sorry" he said with a meaning voice.
I looked up. He was a blonde, boy a little shorter than me. He had long straight hair a little bit tousled down to his cheekbone, green-blue eyes and red blushed cheeks. He looked down to the side.
It felt like it was clearly my fault, yet he apologised.
I was so busy trying to figure out the scene while examening him that i forgot how to speak. Eventually he backed up to the side and road pass me.
I couldnt get myself to say sorry myself. Now i felt even more of an idiot.
This day was really starting well.
I found a free parking set, locked my bike and went inside the school, i had been informed to go to Classroom A 27 on the second floor.
I got up and found it without any trouble. But as soon as i saw it i realised i had left my bag on the backage holder on my bike. I had my wallet, my books, and my house keys in there so i rushed back down to get it. When i got down i saw that the back pack was open. My wallet was already gone. I hade been robbed the very first day and i had only left my backpack unatended for less then 5 minutes.
When i got back up the Classroom was full. And so i stumbled in a little late. The whole class turned their head towards me.
"Please have a seat" said the teacher. "I supose you must be either Eric or Simon since they are the only names left on the list."
There were atleast 15 other kids in the Classroom and one of them was the one i had hit with a bike.
A few girls were wispering and giggling together in a corner while stairing at me.
"Im sorry im late sir i had to go get my bag, i forgot it by my bike" i said with a Haisted voice.
"Yes, and your name..."
"Eric sir! Uhm..." I said out way to loud. Some of the kids laughed a bit.
"Thank you now have a seat"
I looked around. There were not so many places left but i found a chair in the back next to a gothic girl with black and torn cloathes and pearcings all over the face.
I looked at her. She looked back,
"What tha fuck are you looking at?" She said with a mad voice.
I quickly looked away. And tried to catch up on the teacher.
The first two hours were simply instruktions and rules on the school as well as handing out course material for the year.
Everyone got handed out a key to a locker.
I shoved in my books and my bag into mine and sighed.
It was lunch.
The school cafeteria was quite big. There were a lot of people there.
I didnt like crowds.
I grabbed a plate and a tray and lodade it with what ever looked eatable.
Someone kept pushing me from behind in the cue teasingly. I looked back too see what it was about but everyone was just standing there with a pale face as soon as i turned around.
When my tray was full and i was about to find a table someone pulled out a leg and tripped me.
Food and milk got swiped all over the floor.
A whole bunch of kids laughed and clapped in enjoyment.
I hade to clean it up by myself.
After going back and forth with small paper nappkins i could go for another round.
I sat by myself by a little table in the far end of the cafeteria.
I didnt mind being alone the first day in school, but if things kept going this way i feared it might be forever.
A bunch of kids were hanging around my locker. They looked at me and grinned.
They blocked my locker.
I went up to them and held my key up showing them i needed to open my locker.
They didnt move.
"I need to get to my locker." I said.
"Ok" said the kid with a smile on his face.
But he didnt move.
"Could you move please, you are standing in front of it."
"Why?" He said tounting.
"So that i can open it..." I said
"Why?" He said again. I got where he was taking this. He was testing to see how much he could toy with me to see how much of an upperhand he had over me. Testing my limits and putting our social rank at place.
"Just move ok, i am not in the mood for this"
"Why?" He kept saying teasingly.
"Or else ill shove my key through your stomach and twist it around til it opens!" I said with an angry voice.
"Are you threatening me?" He said as his frown turned to a very serious and mad one.
Now he wanted to fight. He was a bit taller than me so he leaned over me and pushed me back.
I didnt resist. I backed up and stood still.
"I didnt think so." He said with a calm voice as he leaned back on my locker again.
I put my keys in my pocket an looked to the side.
He started speaking to his friends again who all thought they had won some kind of social game.
I unleashed my backpack and put it down on the floor, then i walked up to him with determined steps, and shoved my fist into his stomach as hard as i could, hitting him right in the solar plexus. He moaned and caught for air as he folded doubble down on the floor, his friends backed away with chocked faces as his friend got down on all fore.
I opened my locker and accidentally
Slammed the lockerdoor in his face.
I grabbed the books i needed, locked it again and stept over him as i shoved them down my backpack and set course to the next class.
I had manage to make enemies allready the first day of school.
It didnt take long into the lesson before the principel called me in from the speakers.
This day was just getting worse and worse.
It was the last lesson but i had to spent it listening to a lecture from the prinicple about the order of the school and how if this kept going i would be suspended... "Please do, really..." I thought to myself.
I sat there for an hour and was the only kid left at school as everybody else had gone home.
I got to my locker, it was already scribbled with the text "warning be aware of fucktard".
When i got down to my bike, bouth tires were punktured so i had to lead the bike all the way home.
My mom had told me to go into the grocery store and get some more milk and eggs. But since my wallet was gone there was no way.
When i got home with my punktured bike my mom asked why i was so late. And before i could answer she freaked out over my my bike.
And then she asked me why i hadnt gone shopping. I told her my wallet got stolen and she burst into flames.
"How are you ever going to make it in life, you cant go one day in school without losing your wallet and destroying everything you have of value!" She said with an uppset voice.
Later that day the prinicple called home and spoke to my mom.
Afterwords she came rushing in to my room again and started yelling all over.
I tried not to agrue with her and just take all the shit. But instead she just got more angry.
"Are you even listening! Are you even takeing this seriously! You know what fine, im not gonna waste anymore time on you, im trying to teach you important things but if you are just gonna ignore me, then good night Eric. But don't come crying to me when things get rough later!" She yelled as she slammed the door.
I shoved my head down into my pillow.
Nothing had gone right this day. The whole world was against me.
I hated everything, my home, my parents, my school, teacher, my classmates, myself, my life.
I couldnt bare to stay another second in this room, or even in this house.
It was very late in the evening, it was cold and dark outside.
I grabbed a hoodie and went out the front door and just walked.
I had to get away. I walked in a fast pace, not careing where i was going.
As i walked out into the night, i asked myself why. Why was i doing this. Why do i go by another day. What do i do in my life. Do i want to live this way? Why do i. What is the meaning of my life. I have never come to give my life a meaning.
There was not a single likeable person in my life. Not even my closest family members.
What did i mean to this world. Just another human being. Nothing but flesh, bone, and a giant lump of fat fireing electrons through my body. Makeing my feet move forward, and makeing up these thoughts.
I came to the city mall. It was a tall building with big logo lights.
There was a Ladder leading up to the roof.
"I shouldn't." I told myself. But what said i couldnt. And why really. Why did i tell myself not to. Were they my words, or someone elses.
I couldnt care for this world nor this life anymore.
I went up the ladder.
When i got up i realized it was taller than i expected. I could see the houses and buildings where blue light from televisions lit up the windows from inside. Light poles reached out over the streets and parking lots. I went up to the edge and looked down.
I could just end it all here and now.
It was all really so easy.
I looked up over the town.
"Fuck you mother! To hell with you father! Fuck you all at school, fuck all of you teachers, fuck everyone in this town, fuck this world, fuck this life!" I yelled like i had nothing left.
"You know that really wont solve any of your problems..." A voice said from behind
I turned around i a chock. I boy was sittning with his back against the ventilation trum.
"What... Uhm.. What are you doing up here?" I startled.
"You are screaming of a mall roof, and asking me what im doing up here?"
"Oh... I mean how'd you get up here?" I said not knowing how to react.
"Well, im the one who should be asking why you came up my ladder, or rather why you were about jumping of an edge?" He said with a calm voice.
"Well i wasn't gonna..." I said as the best sensable thing to say.
"So what was all that yelling all about? I noticed you had kind of a rough day a school..." He said.
I examined him a bit closer. I then recognized him. He was the blonde boy from erlier that day who i had crashed into with my bike.
"Yeah, i... Uhm..." I said stum from words. I had not expected this company.
"It's ok. We all have rough days some time. Im Colin by the way, i think i caught your name to be Eric right?" He said with a friendly voice.
I remembered i saw him in the same class as me.
"Yeah that's right." I said
"So why are you really so angry?" He kept going.
"What?" I responded, i had almost totaly forgotten about everything.
"Well you seemed pretty upset a about s few things. Do you wanna explain your actions?" He said
"I, uh... Well. My dads an alcoholic, my mum is a egocentric, narsisistic psyco, i've got no friends and my whole life is a peice of shit... Sorry to spill my guts all over you like this..." I said apologizing.
"Pff, don't apologize to me. I can see why you are upset." He said with a comforting voice.
"Those kids in the cafeteria, that was not cool". He said.
There was a short break of silence.
"So what are you doing up here?" I asked.
"Well... Look at that..." He said stairing up into the sky. I looked up and saw a million stars shineing up in the night sky. The sky was brighter than i ever had taken notice. It was a beautiful sight.
"Compared to that... My problems don't seem so big..." He said with a soft and layed back voice.
I turned down my head with wonder.
He was so right.
"So... You have problems?" I asked carefully.
"Don't we all?" He said. "Though i perfere to see them as tasks that needs to be solved rather than useing such a negative word."
He continued.
"You know. The world is just here. Then our mind makes up illustrations of what our senses tell us. But everything is made up in our heads. The way we view the world is only determined by what we choose to. Im not trying to say that your problems don't matter, because i do feel for you, but surounding ourselves with negetivity will only make our lifes dull and bitter. The world is what we make it. Life is what we make out of our time present in the world."
This boy was very interessting. This kid was not like the others, this kid; Colin. He was something else, and he really seemed nice. To be honest, the nicest person i had ever yet met.
"Yeah..." I said, not really prepared for such deep philosophy.
"So why don't you step away from that edge and just talk for a minute." He said.
"Yeah..." I said again.
"Haha, yeah" he said with a big smile.
I went over to him and sat down next to him.
"So what deciple are you?" He asked.

We sat there on that rooftop stairing up into the sky. We spoke of everything from the univers and back. From the smallest problems in out lives, to the biggest of visions and dreams. From the deepest & darkest to the most superficial subjucts you could think of. We sat there for ours, talking. Going from laughter to the most serious we had ever been.
This boy. Colin. I had never met such a character before. A person so open minded and so understanding of everything in life. But more importantly, we understood each other. Finishing each others sentenses. Evertime he turned his face towards me. It was as if something turned inside of me. As if i had been seen for the first time in my life. Every time our eyes met. It was as if half of my brain just stopped working.
The klock was 03:30. But time stood still. Not a thing mattered anymore. But in a different way. In a positive way. This boy made me realize, i was alive. This life is very rare, very short and very fragile. That is why life is so presious. Life has the meaning we give to it. But he had opened my senses again and i could feel that i was a part of this world again. But never before had i felt this way. It was as if something inside was burning, jumping and screaming out in pleasure and joy. But at the same time more calm and at ease than ever before. All because of this one person i had just met. Colin.
We decided it was time to go home.
We traded cellphone numbers and said good night.
I walked home in a fast pace. I couldnt wait for the next day, so that i could meet him again.