I confess, I indulge in it
The violent mania, the screaming, the loss of reason
I’m drawn to chaos and suffer as her mistress
Heeding their calls, discarding my Self

I feel myself drowning in it at night
I touch you, the sickness covering twisted arms
It’s a means to an end, it’s an outlet
Please don’t get in my way when it’s surfacing
Don’t call for it
It’s more than I can handle
It’s out of my control

See the snake weaving through my hair
The fangs lost in the tangle of my spine
It feeds on me, I drink from it
It lets me go on for hours but after it releases me
I follow its slithering down, down, down
And it shackles me

So when I do what I want, I become less of myself
Searching for an identity left me more hollow than ever
It entices me
The only thing I can’t know is how bad it’s gotten