not big enough to not preface it
for you to understand
"if they would only get me"
it can't be that I'm bland

so it began,
not from zero but four
when I put the mouth to the sore

anyone who saw, the awaiting gore
I would have done like you, turn at the door

heard about the cathartic release of letting them flow
I did it more than letting the pain go
I reached a new low

watering eyes from a lie
all the shit I've been talking vs all the fake tears
running me dry

instead of lick I suck
but from a dirty mouth, why push the luck?

at the time, a rational choice to let it be
can't act out of a bigger picture I don't see

the momentum didn't slow down
in the space between people who cared
no one batted an eye
I'm faceless
a quiver from under a gown

rise up and chase the shadow
so someone would be proud
by the very definition
that's not allowed

ran around till I fell and tore
I gave in, cursed the Gods
is that all you've got?
I want more!

I could feel the resentment grow
there wasn't anything
but the shadow

Jung had it backwards
I needed humanity
to integrate into their view of
sanity

to avoid you
I went out of my way
this I know
no promise for me to betray

relieves me of anxiety
self-chosen, no curse
I must be better than you think
it's hell to know I'm worse

in plain sight
settling down
I need to breathe
can't under this gown

I suck it down
a familiar high
new bullies, victims
but the same I