Too many feelings so you have to repress. Try to find healing, you can't be depressed.
You have to power through and not let it show, that the darkness inside you continues to grow.
Buy some new shoes and put on a smile, got nothing to lose and it's just for a while.
Continue to laugh even though it's not real, it's just so they won't know how you really feel.
You'll get your reward at the end of the road, just try to make friends with the burden you hold.