eftersom jag är sängliggande efter ett självmordsförsök, vilken träning funkar för mig? nästan bara höger armen. så jag provade att träna bicepts hårt i 1½ timma. det blev 1 timmas träning och 30 minuters vila. 3-6 minuter träning och 1-3 min vila. det funkade verkligen! en på psykosöppenvården sa att jag skulle försöka träna igen för en månad sen, och jag sa att det inte funkade, inga resultat av träningen, bara biverkningar. men då sa han "tänk om 10-15 år?". så jag tränade medans jag spelade runescape. det spelet är speciellt, i och med att man kan göra en aktivitet, och sen bara behöva klicka var 30 sekund för att fortsätta. så det var perfekt för att jag skulle träna. men jag gjorde aldrig slut musklerna, vilket kanske är bättre, vad vet jag. nu, efter 2-3 minuter blev det trögt, men jag kämpade på ändå. kände senare efter riktiga träningen hur mina kinder var rosenröda, och att liksom mina käkmuskler omstrukturerades. nu är jag i runescape efter en 30 minuters träning, för jag blev uttråkad. men jag ska träna mer! både inom och utom spelet. jag blev till och med hungrig även om jag ätit lunch inte mycket tidigare, så jag tränar verkligen musklerna! och har säkert gått ner i vikt.

jo, jag har gått ner 13kg på en månad. resultat! från 126kg till 113kg.

2024-03-02 har börjat äta mycket frukt, så det borde vara bra för vikten.

anteckningar på engelska:

ok. some workout. right bicep. lower arm stretch out, third circle. dunno how to explain haha.

5 + 6 + 6 + 4 mins. 1 minute rest between each. the second 6 mins felt a lot, i just wanted to quit :) anyway. this is cool <3 you can take creatin as a supplement, it involves "explosivity", which neuroleptics reduce, and which they check on, why you turn into a zombie from them, maybe.

3 min pause + writing and drinking water and taking out dip. lets go!

managed 4 mins, got fatigued at 3 mins. 4 min rest then? a couple of minutes is a surprisingly long amount of time... 1 min rest was it.

4 mins, fatigued after 3 mins. will try to breath in through the nose out through the mouth. 1 min rest.

stopped after 2 mins. my lungs/nose got fatigued? 30 sec break. stopped, anxiety, adding dip.

i can feel it in my neck muscles now. this is good :)

removed pillow + no resting arm against stomache / ribcage (mine is big...) + pulled myself up in bed for better position. managed 5 mins, woo :)

3 min rest. did some massage on upper arm.

5 mins. got fatigued after 2½ mins but kept going. i felt that. arm started to tickle - its healing :)

1 min rest. 3 mins then was interrupted with 2 o clock meds. got fatigued at 2½ mins again. my creatin retreating? or just overall fatigue? arm tickled more, woo! :)

4 mins. intermittent tickling. felt a lot at 3 mins.

3 min rest. ate some flavoured yoghurt.

4 min workout.

1 min rest. anxiety at 40 secs, put in a dip.

4 mins. got fatigued at 2 mins now. the energy is feeling, orken börjar rinna ur.

2 min rest.

3 mins. was majorly fatigued at 2:45 so stopped at 3. arm feels sore when i move it to reset the stop-watch, been that before this as well. just search for "online stopwatch" and google gives you something simple :)

2 min rest.

3 mins workout. it started to hurt some so ill call it a day, or, later :)

lets add together. just about an hour in total practice. woo! :)

workout again

woke up, had breakfast and coffee. rested with music until 11:15. i ran out of c-vitamin fizzle pills, thats why.

2½ min then anxiety so took dip.

1 min rest

3 min. my revolution rate is 2 secs per. it was 1.1 secs yesterday. maybe i didnt time it later out. so my arm is still tired. ill blame that on neuroleptics. but i dunno how workouts work. anyway slower is better, since i dont strain as much then.

1 min rest.

4 min. yesterday in the beginning it itched a lot so i scratched back. but after awhile i was just in a flow with the workout and forgot to scratch i guess?

1 min rest.

3 mins. i had a really salty diarrhea today. so it just let it all out. has to do with working out i guess? so today im deficient, i feel it in my mouth.

5 min rest. nurse came and said i didnt need that godforsaken powder for hte stomache, which gave me anxiety 24/7, i still feel it. why i get anxiety in the evening. she removed it, anyway :)

5 mins. really pushed myself there. i removed my pillow yesterday and had it on the legs. thats why i legs "woke up" later in the day. i could move them slightly. now i have the pillow under my left arm, so it doesnt hurt, and heal. i dont train it though.

1½ min rest.

5 mins. i really strained myself. i coulda gone on maybe another minute. but, no.

4 min rest. changed dip and drank some water. i decided to only train my right arm. since my left is damaged. i take 500mg x2 painkillers 3 times per day. i really shouldnt have started with them. but the only pain i got is in my shoulders really i think. so wish i could stop with them, but need massage then.

45 sec training. im bored! soon its lunch, might return afterwards. now im gonna play some runescape (and work out).

22 mins total workout.

the special thing about runescape, is that you can input something only every 30 secs or more. so you can workout in that time, then you get a sec pause, and it helps with the strain.

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2023-12-31

2h 45 mins workout today. now my hand hurts so i stopped. started in the morning. did every now and then. i feel more at peace.

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2024-01-01

1 hour 40 mins total workout (not including pauses)

got an anxiety pang in the beginning of training. then i drank the rest of the coffee (café latte, so tasty ^_^) and got another pang. but i hope it fares better than that, that i dont get any anxiety today.

i got anxiety after they changed me, but since id trained for so long i had happy hormones in my body, so an hour or 2 later, it dissipated, and it was very mild. i even started smiling in the middle of the session. hey!

it is some hard work though, not used to it. i just like taking it easy. ive taken some long walks sometimes, and it did feel in the muscles eventually. of course the beginning round was 7 mins, i ran out of things to do in runescape or i coulda done 8 mins or more. same for the first 6 minutes, i wasnt THAT strained.

will pause some, am too dazed (and nauseus, but that i am all the time it seems like)

training felt like a chore. but it was only because the food wasnt tasty (took yoghurt and cheeze sandwich instead) and that i didnt get fika until 14:30 and id run out of water and they wouldnt come. its ok now :)

oh anyway like i said i managed 7 mins when i started for the day. but i coulda gone on longer. anyway. new personal best :) now its only 3 mins at a time later on in the day... after maybe the fifth time i degerated into that.

i dont think ill train more today... its dark, does things to the mood. dont like synthetic lights.

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2023-01-03

total workout: 55 mins
peak today: 10 mins nonstop air resistance

with 1kg weight: 29 mins total

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2023-01-09

7+7+7+1+7+3+4+4+5+4+3+2+2=56 mins

so miss mom and i had an argument. i got anxiety from it. im a sensitive person, why dont people understand that? so i tried resting but i got tired of it. i tried working out, but it was boring without a timer. so im mining in runescape and working out. its the only way really... to not be bored, to not die. hopefully ill get my legs back. now more training!

anyway. this was the kick in the butt i needed to start working out again. dunno how long i kept without it. anyway, ive also reduced dip something incredibly. i took like 1/4 puck in the mouth for awhile. everyone whined about it, they even called in artillery. and i notice no difference with a lower portion. if anything, i dont get "horror" anymore, or thoughts going round and round, and less anxiety too, maybe. addict behaviour, yep, that was me.

so ive done some 30 mins now. and now i got tired after only before 2 mins? whats up? creatin used up huh? well. lots of muscle groups working together, the shoulders too. so. hey.

drank some water and put in a new dip. managed 1 more minute. yes, remember to rehydrate. importance of training.

at a banana an hour ago. now i got 2 more for fika, and some milk. had a negative impact on my workout, my index finger started hurting. sigh... such is the life of an overthinker, oversensitive? being... and i got some anxiety too. woooeee.

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2023-01-22

4+7+5+4+4+3+5+3+4+2+2+3+4+3+1=54

well. i felt too shitty and tired, its been like this for days. so i opened up runescape and began my workout.

well. runescape crashed too much. im watching vids and training instead.

i feel emptiness. have worked out for 35 mins. i dont really like to watch vids, so its too much information, and i had some lagging anxiety. hope it gets better <3 im watching the latest eyesiswatchin podcast.

well feel too shitty watching vids. back to runescape...

oh. felt like my arm was gonna fall asleep in the begining of vid watching. with runescape my arm instead "knuckles" for lack of better words. but im awake at least :)

now im working out and reading and commenting at the same time, maybe, haha. i feel so much alright its amazing :) it works out tracey, working out :) <3

oh, an hour, quite alright :)

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2023-01-23

1+1+3+2+5+2+4+3=21 mins, not much to scoff at

another day... another round of workout...

yes, from yesterday. now its 8 o clock and im tired...

guess ill have a coffee then...

worked out 1 min, then, no, it just feels wrong :(

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2023-01-25

well. battling with tiredness :( so need to work out...

1+1+2+2+1+1+1+2+2+3+3+1=20 mins

well. wasnt focused at first, thereof the low numbers. and my arm isnt strong, so can only manage 2 mins. started late in the day i suppose it affects.

oh, a little better, 3 mins.

well, ill stop there. hope i have some energy now, got tired even before 1 mins. so, hey.

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2023-01-26

3+3+4+2+4+1+3+2+3+3+4+3+5=40 mins

work work work...

well, i was content with just resting, but then both my arms started hurting. its lessened now.

miss mom was here. we had pringles and pizza, diet food, of course ^_^

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2024-01-28

4+9+10+5=24 mins

oh, its a new year o^_^o missed out on that...

9 mins. oh my! but had just eaten... coulda gone longer but it started to hurt.

well. its bloody cold here when its only a few plus degrees. its +5 now. im quitting here, since my hand got too cold.

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2024-01-29

5+5+5+3+3+3+1+1+1=27 mins

well. not in tiptop shape. i get "sparkles" in the arms at high minutes in the beginning. the lunch wasnt much. bulgur that tasted rancid (aka wooden) with a few tiny chicken parts. at least chicken makes the sauce taste something, i dont like the meat stews they present here. just completely tasteless...

3 mins... energy dwindling quickly. but now i try to do a full 180 degree revolution. before when it was automatic it wasnt a fully utstretched arm. so better training then.

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2024-02-o1

1+6+2+8+6+1+1+2+1+1+1+1+1+2+1+1+1=37

well. was tired quickly after waking up. so its working out to do.

yes! 8 mins! was tired and anxious all day yesterday. was really tired though and not much anxiety, and i had lots of youtube mixes to keep me happy.

small lingering anxiety all the time, no matter if i have dip or not. not fun :(

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2024-02-02

7+1+1+4+3+7+7+3+10+7+5+4=59 mins

well. woke up at 7. rested then, and slept the whole time til 11. its getting worse...

yes! 10 mins even :) it was when miss mom was here. we tried to work out together but she faltered quickly...

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2024-02-03

2+6+1+2+5+2+5+2+2+4+2+3+2+1+1+2+4+4+1+2+2+2+1

= 58 mins

so tired... finally got myself together. just a few days ago, when id worked out for an hour one day i wasnt tired the next day. well, worked out an hour yesterday, and it didnt help for the next. whats going on? someone asked that on facebook too, if someone else was feeling tired. its fishy...

this dip addiction is getting me down. its mostly that i guess. i get more and more in my body and just get more and more tired... trying awhile without...

the tiredness... neither coffee nor c-vitamin helps against it. im killing myself... :( i just wish i had less anxiety so i wouldnt have to take it. but the OCD comes back then, i tried a few times, and it wasnt fun...

well worked out without having dip in. i got a startling anxiety but it passed. but eventually, i just yawned, as the dip releases in my body. i dont know, maybe ill quit it?

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2024-02-05

1+7+3+4+4+5+2+1+1+1+1+2+3+3+2+10+2+15+20+1+10+2+8+6

= 1h 54 mins

well. same ol story. was awake for 30 mins, then i slept til 11. i really need to learn. and i need fastfood, fast carbohydrates. then i dont get tired. miss mom bought several small packets of potatoe chips. perfect.

well. 15 mins. afking (with tiny amount of clicking) isnt better than playing runescape. so i fought dragons and didnt look at the time, and now its 15 mins! omg! i figured i should stop there so i dont break anything...

20 mins. oh my! ill try even harder. some pause inbetween. i guess ill get angry from all the testosterone but ill try to keep my mouth shut. this is good!

yes! broke my long term record! im over 1½ hour already :)

yes! major workout :) it can only get better from here :) <3 now im bored so im gonna do something else...

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2023-02-06

7+5+5+6+6= 29 mins

well. didnt have the strenght from yesterday. i ate my breakfast and then one of those small potatoe chip bags. got anxiety from the first bite of it. great...

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2023-02-06

bicep 7+

shoulder 3+3+7+3

yep, theres no stopping me when ive started :)

so. im training my shoulder too. cant really play the game then. i move my upper arm around in a circle.

hey, even better, when i work out like this runescape doesnt crash! ^___^

well, i guess i should stop with the biceps for the day. it starts hurting early on. guess ive used up my livers carbohydrate supply by now... or just general energy of the day.

ok. total 1 hour 44 mins. quite good, hey :)

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2024-02-15

bicep 5+3+2+1+7+7+8+2+1+2+1+2+2+2+5=50

flappies 3=

53 mins

woke up early, this is good...

work work work again :) <3

enough for today, i wanna have some fun :(

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2024-02-16

5+4+1+3+8+1+1

woke up early again. woo!

anyway. now im training fist forward quickly in the air (air punching). at a slant. good one :) my breathing gets used up some so i train my lungs too. can manage about a minute before i need resting. not timing it... ok approximate timing now right.

punch 1min x 8

and now i pood O_o seems i used too many muscles... brb

punch 2 x 2

yes! 2 mins. its good to time it. push yourself.

½ x 3

oh! i even get warm and sweaty! this is good ^__^

hey, i had some anxiety for like 15 mins. but i put in a new dip, and its ok now <3 work out + fruit = ftw.

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2024-02-20

bicep 1+3+1

flappies 4+

well. didnt work out for some days. i rested until 15:00 and now i feel super. so... to get to work :)

well. didnt work. tired after 1 min. whats wrong with me? :( ill try after dinner maybe...

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2024-02-21

start time: 11:38
end time: 14:48

maybe 1/4 of the time was spent working out. i dont really know. maybe more, maybe less. but i was twitching / itching a lot too.

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2024-03-02

right bicep 3+2+14+2+4+15

left bicep 1+1+1+1

total=44 mins

well. have been tired for days. so figured up runescape, and am working it.

yes! 14 mins!

i think ill call it a day like that. some rising anxiety...

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2024-03-10

ok. worked out some. its been awhile. i didnt time it. just inbetween things in runescape...

well, having been training in and out for an hour. while fishing swordfish, its real slow. making egg potatoes is faster, more fun. anyway, my arm is hurting? like, because im building muscles i guess... well, no. my body is breaking apart, all since i lie in bed all day :(

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2024-03-28

4+1+3+1+

well. its been awhile. of pain and anxiety. i got to lower my meds today, so it feels better.

tried at first without timing, and got an anxiety pang in the beginning, but it got better later on, so started to time it.

anyway. now i get tired after 1 min so theres no point. theres maybe 10 more mins of practice before i started timing. and... my hand is cold.

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2024-04-04

well i was rebuilding fort forinthry in runescape. lots of wait time, so decided to work out. been at it some hour now. i actually feel like im achieving something when i work out. bitchute is so braindead... and i hope i feel better, dont get that rage... anyway, hoping i dont get anxiety from dinner. lots of good hormones going on now.

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2024-04-27

14+1+3+3+3+3+2+4+1+3+1+2+1+2+2+2+1+2+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=57mins

well. trained some 2 other days, but didnt time it. now ill try to do some properly...

anyway, was bored of social media, and runescape gave me anxiety, so had to do something.

ill try working out when i wake up, then ill have more energy i guess...

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2024-04-28

24+7+3+4+3+2+1+3+4=51mins

morning workout. i started getting tired at 1 mins so call it a day :)

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2024-04-29

bipcep 4+1+2+1+3+2+1+2+2+1+2+2+2+1+1+2+2+3+8+4+1=
flappies 2+2+
= 51 mins

getting tough today in the beginning, even when i tried this morning :( but i need to do it, feel as anxiety is creeping up...

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2024-05-02

2+2+2+2+2+2+2+3+2+2+2+1+1+1+3+4+2+2+3+2+2+7+3=54 mins

so, havent worked out for a day, or two? and i find anxiety creeping up. so gotta start again... my right arm is hurting too, strangely enough. my body is decaying... oh, it helped with orange juice <3 of course, anti-oxidants...

ok 54 mins, should be about it for today... not working out too much, so i dont get too much testosterone, and thereby, anger...

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2024-05-03

2+2+1+8+2+1+1+2=19

well, anxiety creeping up, so gotta start...

oh, didnt do more. and now im bored? of runescape.

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2024-05-05

1+5+3+2+1+2+3+3+2+3=25mins

not anxious, but i need to work out every day.

well, got bored.