I could feel how the tears was close. I was never going to bee anything at all. Nothing special- Just me. Normal, normal me. Arh! I hated that. I was normal! No ones Bella or anything. Normal. Or worse, odd, in a bad way, that everyone hates.
The music had comed too a wonderful place and the tears started too rin down my sheeks. It was so sad, everything, it all was just, wierd. It hurt inside and it feelt like my hoole chest was going to rip apart.
All the stories, all the wonder and love that I had falen in love with- how ironic. Everyone was wondering how I could bee so ubsest with a book, or, well, five books in the same "Saga".
"You are soo wierd, problably just reading the popular books becaus you whant everyone too think that thats cool ore something." But that was wrong! The books made me sad, and in the same time happy, it maket me love it, and in the same time hate it.
The music, so perfect. Even for a normal litle spot like me. The music that was formed from the book. A perfect piano music, that an acter from the movie- that was made from the book- made. It´s like he truly was an Edward, even if I knew he wasn´t, and even if he was, that wasn´t going too afect me. Becaus nothing ever hapend too me. Nothing at all. I was just... Me.
I´m crasy, I know that. I mean- some times only- I had wanted too kill my self fore being who I am. Nothing at all. The music was played over and over, I couldn´t stop listening, even if I wanted too. I wanted too forget all the sadnes, all the pain, be a normal persone whitote being misarble. I wanted ether that or something. Anything. Love. Power that someone I knew had. Anything. Why couldn´t God even give me that?
Well, I shouldn´t take this on God. It was my choise, but what could I do? Looking all over the world for just a glimt of happines? How could I do that? I didn´t even have aford too that. Damn!
The music was coming too an end. I coulden´t understand why I realy hated it so much. It was just a song. Nothing else.
It was so perfect. I should not blame the song for anything! It was gone. The perfect music had now finished, and I wasn´t going to listen on it again. I didn´t want too cry more, I never whanted, it was just hard too stop listen. I laide down on the bed... Whit the books in my hands. I was soo stupid. Why couldn´t I stop read the damp book?