As I sit in my window and stare out into the thick fog, I remember your face.
The way your hair would look when the fog would mess it up.. I like the way you never even cared you just brushed your fingers through it and smiled.
The way your laughter could give me everlasting felicity.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and I could feel the pain filling me up by not breathing the same kind of air as you.
I moved towards the kitchen but I turn the other way just as fast.

I swear I saw you outside the window.
By our own little three. You remember?
The one we used to lie under when the world felt like it was closing in and it felt like we couldn’t breath.
We could lie there forever and just glair at the stars and never be scared that someone could harm us. Our love had it’s own immortality.
We knew that this city would forever be ours, the one we claimed to be our jerusalem.

The water was cold as it touched my pale and lonesome skin.
Something had to get me to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
But not even the water, cold as winter could get me to wake up.
These last weeks had been torture.
Everlasting pain had been destroying my body leaving a lilac looking color through out of my skin.
The empty chair was staring back at me as I sat smoking my first cigarette of the day.
Time was unimportant when the pain was endless.
Reaching for the packed, disappointed to only find one lonely cigarette left.
How many have I smoked I asked myself.

The urge to smoke again was burning my lugns more than the actual cigarett.
I needed to buy some more before I scratch the little skin I have left on my arms.

I couldn’t decide if it was necessary for a jacket, not realising my soul was colder that the weather.
I couldn’t remember the last time I was outside.
My heart started pounding making my hearing subside for a while.
The hill was longer than I remembered and the last time I walked here I was with you.

As I walked I began to think about all the things we used to do here and how good the city had been to us.
How we talked about moving here for almost a year but we never really had the courage to let go. To jump into a new kind of life.
And frankly it scared us so much we sometimes pretended to not love each other so much for then, there wasn’t a reason to move in together.
Even though we did it, it took too long.
I regret that.
I loved you like a flower loves water, and without your love just like a flower I would die.

Suddenly a loud sound came out of no where, lights came out of now where.
And so did the pain.
As I was lying on the cold ground it all came back to me.
All over again all the sorrow all pain.
That pain was worse than the actual pain.

We where walking holding hands, the sun was shining and our smiles where brighter than the strongest supernova.
I was going to see my father who lived over the road from where we standing.
I kissed you I told you I loved you just like every other couple does. I said goodbye.. For the last time.
Not even knowing it.


After I crossed the street I had to call my father to tell him to open the door for me, but my phone wasn’t there I had left it at home.
I always forgot it because when I am with you there isn’t a person in the world I needed to hear from.
I just needed your voice.

I opened my lugns and let out a shout only you could hear.
You turned around and saw me and cracked a smile.
You begun walking towards me without even asking why, you just knew it was worth it.
I wish I never asked you to walk back to me it should have been me.
And just when I was about to open my mouth a green object flew by.
I didn’t understand what happend.
I had to stand still and get my brain and thoughts to work together.
It took a while.. Then I understood.
The green object was a bus.
You had been hit.
My eyes filled with tears.

I let out a scream that could even make the devil cry.
Even the devil could feel the pain rushing trough my body.
I ran up to you and held you, you where coughing up blood and my first reaction was to kiss you.
Not knowing it would be our last kiss.
I begged you not to leave me.
Just thinking about it made me cringe.
Never crossing my mind what you where feeling until now..
So much sorrow must have filled your lugns.. it wasn’t blood, it was sorrow.
I knew how much you wanted to live.
You wanted to give me the world and not being able to must have killed you before the bus did.

But there wasn’t anything my blood filled hands could do but hold you..
Your soul was already half gone.
Your words where unclear and muffled because your ribs where protruding through your skin.
They where piercing my arms but I didn’t have time to care.
Even though nothing you said made sense and my words where inconsistant.
We both knew that every word we spoke was carefully crafted especially for each other.

And just like you, I was lying on the ground helpless.
But this time there was no one there to hold me,
no one to say goodbye to.
And I could feel myself being suffocated by death it self.

I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live either.
I wanted to say goodbye to my family…Oh my dear and now lonesome family.
I wanted to shout for help but nothing came out just a lonely tear.
As soon as it hit the ground just like a flower I died without your love.