Everything was a roller coaster with him.
The lines between reality and imagination had a tendency to become more unclear each time he came around.
I had a hard time trying to balance feeling safe and panicking.
He always got me up on my feet, trying to keep up with him as he tried to decide whether or not I was worth his time, his effort, his compassion.

Most of the time, I wasn't.

But I kept running along in case he'd change his mind.

Most of the time, he wouldn't.

But sometimes, he'd let me in.
We would go up the roller coaster, I'd enjoy the view despite my fear of heights, and then we'd go down again, fast, faster, faster.

Up slow, down fast.

Everything was a roller coaster with him.
I stayed on, in case I'd enjoy it.

Most of the time, I did.