Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.


Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.


Religion is just mind control.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Religion is like a pair of shoes: find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.


I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy'. These days, 'Trajedi'.

I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.


When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

I often warn people: somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘there is no ‘I’ in team.’ What you should tell them is, maybe not. But there is an ‘I’ in independence, individuality and integrity.