I am so sorry
over and over you kept asking me
and over and over I kept telling you
looking you dead serious in the eyes and I lied
"I love you"

you must have known deep down I didn’t mean it
that must be why you kept doubting me so much
but everytime I falsely reassured you
I didn’t want to hurt you
to tell you I wish we never dated in the first place
to let the silence after you said it speak for itself
you need courage to do that
and I was a coward

instead I hurt you even more by repeatedly lying
for months
making you doubt your own intuition
telling you that you were overthinking too much
feeding you with nothing but lies
when actually you were right the whole time

I can’t imagine what it was like
kissing someone who didn’t want your closure in the first place
to spend hours preparing for a date
to spoil someone with your time and affection
to give it your all
when the other doesn’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth

I should have been honest from the beginning
the lies started chasing me
I couldn’t keep up
I outran myself
thinking I wanted something I didn’t
everyday convincing myself that I'd grow to love you
because how could I not

the perfect guy
my mom loved you and my dad thought you were cool
ambitious, driven and interesting
a charming stunner
in all eyes but mine

of course I wish i had done it differently,
that means I wish we never happened.
because I didn’t learn from this
and I devoured you
a predator playing with its prey
drained you from your joy
please tell me you moved on without a second thought
when you reflect on this I hope you see what I was
that it had everything to do with me and nothing to do with you
that it’s my fault completely
please please I need to know if you healed?
please tell me you are whole
please tell me I didn’t give you any issues that lasts longer than our relationship did
I am so sorry