There is no "happy ever after".
The light shines sharp & bright
and enlightenment must be here!
Please!
Must be here somewhere...if I only look in the right place
listen better,
"do" more
"be"....
Where is it?
Down into the dark again,
where nothing fits,
where i don't fit
& I don't understand
& they don't understand
or even see me & my needs.
But if I can't see my needs
and don't tell them
how can they?

...and the circle of life
coming back to the same place,
the same kind of relationship,
the same end
and the same begining
and end
and...

But then,
a part of me,
newly awaked
called the "witness"
slowly begins to be heard.
Says things like "you are more than this"
"Do you want to be sad, misunderstood, frustrated...or do you want to be something else"


No!
Then no answers...just open questions.
The gap between question & answer widens.
And the circle starts to show
that it has become a spiral.

The same times of self doubt come back around,
sooner or later,
the slap across the face that bit harder
the hurt that much deeper
and in wounds caused long ago,
but the witness more quickly smiles,
irratatingly at first
until..."Oh wow, look where I am again"
Learning each time round that the light gets bigger
and brighter,
sweeter
more "real" somehow
not just a story...or...

Learning the hard way
that what I need most from others
is what I most need to give myself.

Looking forward
to the next time around.

P