”A man also or woman that has a familiar spirit, or that has a spirit of divination, shall surely be put to death: they shall be stoned them with stones: the guilt is their own.”
(Leviticus 20:27)

Presentation

For long times have I been wandering.
Yes, time takes pains to go by my side. With crutches does it walk, time that is.
My God has left me and so I have only time left. Time and the Word.
God’s son fell like thunder and lightning from the sky. I saw that too.
Thereafter darkness and mist covered my sight with veils.
Yes, I’m mad, but not from my senses.
Alone, but still in company.
I made an attempt to build a house, once, but it couldn’t stand; I had built my house upon the sand. It seems to me that I was intended to be homeless. No stone stand upon stone in the house in which I had planned to live.
Nowhere may I thus dwell. I have to walk on, with my two attendants, time and the Word.
But one thing still does belong to me. My responsibility. I took my responsibility and left, and no one shall ever take my responsibility away from me.
My name is lost; my Lord took it away when he left me. Thus can no one greet me. Yet, well met.

First memoir (Introduction)

Another day has died and I ask time if it misses it, but time does not seem to care the least. We sit down to rest for a while, even though time had preferred to go on, in spite of the pains.
“Have you reached to end of the road now?” Time ask me.
“How can an eternal wanderer ever reach the end of the road?” I reply and light a cigarette.
“Did you find your soul in the cigarette?” time asks then.
“No”, I replay, “but it was at least some inspiration”.
The Word sits down by our side, but refuses to talk, as usual.
For a short while I put my responsibility off my shoulders, close my eyes, and enjoy the cigarette. I think I must have fallen asleep, because the next time I opened my eyes, time had reached quite a distance ahead on the road, despite its limping.
I gave the Word a nod, and the Word gave me its quiet blessing, and thus I took up my responsibility and walked time up.
“Don’t you know that I can walk faster than you?” I said when again I walked by its side. “You can’t escape me, how much you would ever like to”.
Time sighed heavily. “Can’t your Lord come and take you back any day?” time asked then.
“On the final day”, I replied, “and then, time, you exist no more, but don’t worry, truly, there is an eternity until then.”


Second Memoir

I will tell you now, how time came to get its limp and how the Word came to follow us on our journey.
We had been long wandering, me in front, and time behind me, when we one day came to a village. The inhabitants stood with stones in their hands along the road where it passed through the village. Before we entered I spoke up and said: “Which one among you will throw stones upon us first?”
No one replied, but the Word was there among them.
Then time got out of line and someone said: “Behold! It’s the final time!”
“Let us kill time!” someone else shouted.
Then someone pointed at me and said: “He carries the guilt! He carries the guilt!” and I understood that he meant my responsibility.
Then, they threw their stones upon us.
I got away with some bruises, but time was severely hurt and thus began to limp.
We walked on and time healed my injuries, but I couldn’t heal time’s. Thus have I walked, since then, with time limping on my side.

Third Memoir

Now I will disclose the truth concerning my responsibility. It happened just when I had built my house. I knew that my Lord was homeless, and so I offered Him to live in the house that I had built. Then God’s son felt like thunder and lightning from the sky right down at the house, so that no stone stood upon stone anymore. And God’s son stood as a prosecutor in front of me and asked me to respond and defend myself.
I had no word then, and thus I couldn’t respond and stood speechless.
A multitude had come together around us and someone pointed at me and said: “He is invited”. Someone else said: “He is invited, but he is dumb, so he is not chosen”.
Then the whole of the multitude screamed at me: “It is your responsibility!” and pointed at God’s son and said: “Take your responsibility and leave!”
And so I took my responsibility and left and when I’d been walking for a while, my Lord descended upon me as darkness and took my name away. And when he had left, there came a wind, and the wind brought thick mist with it. And when the wind left, it took my soul and there I was among the dark shadows.
Thus have I been wandering ever since, with neither name nor soul, but carrying God’s son, who now is my responsibility.

Fourth memoir

Then one day we came to a village at a lakeside and someone spoke to me and said: “In this lake there is a fish, which no one can catch”. I threw my net into the water and after a while I took it up again, and there was a fish.
At first the villagers stood speechless and stared, but then someone said: “That man has no soul and carries the guilt. Now he plans to steal our secret and put the guilt upon us!”
This made the multitude move and they chased us with rods and staffs up to a mountain summit. Bellow the precipice someone had set up a huge net, and so I concluded that they wanted to catch me alive.
Yet I jumped, but I fell right through the net and down to the ground and in the belief that I was dead, the villagers left me there.
When they were gone, I stood up and went again my way, while time healed my injuries.

Fifth memoir

I will now tell how it come to be that I’m mad, but not from my senses.
Before I had met time I once walked along a straight road in the wilderness.
Suddenly, a Jinn stood before me and blocked my way.
“Step aside” I commanded.
“And who are you to command me?” the Jinn asked cunningly. “Who has sent you into this wilderness?”
“I’m here on my own accord”, I replied.
“So you are not of God?”
“No”, I said.
“Ah, so He has left you? Do you still have your soul then?”
“Yes, my Lord has left me, but no, I have no soul”.
“I see”, said the Jinn. “I have a proposition: if I may possess you, I will give you a substitute for your soul and I shall send my sons out to search for your soul. What do you say?”
“Agreed”, I said and then the Jinn possessed me and the Jinn is in me instead of my soul and it gave me inspiration in the form of cigarettes.

Sixth memoir (Teaching on wisdom)

I took a cigarette and lit it.
“Does the Jinn give you the cigarettes?” time asked. “There is no end to them”.
“Yes”, I said. “He gives them to me”.
Time was silent, but then said: “How can the final day come, when I am no more? How could anything come to pass without me?”
“They say that a dead man has left the world of the living, yet they talk about life after death”, I replied and continued: “Where do you think a man is, when he has left the world of the living?”
“In eternity”, time said.
“Correct”, I said. “But where was he before he was born?”
Time thought for a while and then said: “In eternity also?”
“Yes”.
“But why was he born, then, just to die?”
“As a result of his free will”.
“But how can you know that?” time asked stubbornly.
“Also I was with my Lord before walking on earth”, I replied. “It was long ago, before you were, and then my Lord taught me such things”.
“So you claim to know everything that will happen between the first and the final day?”
“Yes.”
“But how could there then be a free will?”
“Don’t be ridiculous”, I said austerely to time, “God IS the free will”.
“I see”, time then said, “but you have still not explained why they have to be born, just to die”.
“Some things God didn’t tell”, I said, “that’s why he is God”.

Seventh memoir (Teaching on wisdom)

I lit another cigarette and began smoking.
“Do you smoke to substitute your lost soul?” time asked.
“Yes, they inspire me”, I replied.
“Will the sons of the Jinn ever find your soul?”
“No.”
“Why, then, did you allow the Jinn to possess you?”
“Perhaps because I happen to like cigarettes.”
“Why is that, then?”
“Only God knows.”
Time thought about what I had said for a while and then asked: “Could that be your free will?”
“I have no free will”, I explained. “My Lord has left me, and thus I have no will.”
Time sighed heavily and inquired further: “Is that why you have to walk with me to my end? Why I have to reach the end of the road before you?”
“Yes”, I said.
Time stood still, while I stubbed out the cigarette and lit another.
“I can’t go backwards”, time said then. “Sometimes I can stop, and sometimes hurry and sometimes go slowly. I have wandered longer distances than you ever have, but to me, it seems as though I’m just going around and around in circles. When will the final day come?”
“I have already explained that”, I said. ”That is when I, and my responsibility, return to my Lord.”

Eighth memoir

Let me now relate how I first came to meet time.
I had been following the road ever since no stone stood upon stone in the house where I had planned to live, when I one day came to a fork, where I sat down and lit a cigarette.
While I sat there, time went close and then stood still. “My time has come”, I thought, but then I changed my mind: “With time come possibilities”.
“You’ve been walking ahead of your time”, time said to me.
“Yes”, I said. “But now, finally, you’ve reached me”.
“You’ve been wandering without direction and without goal”, time stated and added: “Just as I do”.
I nodded and took a deep draw on the cigarette.
“Shall we walk on together?” time finally asked.
I nodded again, rose, and threw the butt of the cigarette away.
“We will follow the road”, I said, “and I shall show you the way and you follow me, and thus I will still walk ahead of you, though yet in company.”
“But where will the road take us?” time asked doubtfully.
“To the end of the road”, I explained and began walking.
At first, time stood still and hesitated, but then began to follow suit.

Ninth memoir

Then one day, we came to a town where a lot of poor people lived and I went and stood at the market place in order to watch the commerce. I took out my purse, found a pearl inside and gave it to a ragged beggar.
A rich man then stopped and exclaimed: “Behold! That man has got the Word, but he throws his pearls before the swine.”
His brother said: “That man has got no soul.”
Their sister said: “That man has got a lot of pearls in his purse, but no soul. Why doesn’t he sell the pearls in order to buy a soul, instead of throwing them before the swine?”
“He is possessed by a Jinn”; the first one said.
The other one spoke to the people and exclaimed: “Lo! That man gave a pearl to one of you, but refused to give anything to the rest. He has got the Word, but he won’t let you hear it.”
And the people began to shout: “Let us hear the Word! Let us hear the word!”
I spoke to them and said: “Truly, they that listen will hear, but those filled up with their own talk, they will not hear.”
But the people wouldn’t listen and the rich siblings excited them, until they chased us out of town through the western gate, opposite to the one through which we had entered.

Tenth memoir

Then one day we came to a village in a country suffering from drought and when a peasant came walking towards us I asked him for water and thus he replied: “There is no water here and all the wells we have dug are empty.”
I pointed to an empty country at the horizon and told him: “There shall you dig your well in order to find water.”
The peasant went to the lord of the village and told him about what I had said and when the lord of the village approached me he asked: “Are you thirsty?”
“Yes”, I replied.
“Here”, he said and offered me a chalice. ”Have some wine”.
I said: “I asked for water, and you offered me wine: remember that wine’s thirst I greater than man’s”.
Then the lord said: “And who are you to stand as a prosecutor before me, you, who as well as I seek inspiration? Prosecutor you surly are! You, who try to make my people leave the country.”
“A man can bring his horse to the well, but he cannot force it to drink”, I replied as it was said.
Then the Lord happened to catch sight of my responsibility and exclaimed: “Behold! That man carries the guilt and his blood will placate the earth! Lo! He’s got time on his side, while time will leave us behind. Hurry! Don’t let him leave the village!”
Then he raised his sword to the air, the peasants took their scythes and some people, who were washing clothes, took their clubs and together they pursued us to the top of a fiery mountain. They followed us the edge of the pit of fire and said to me: “We will throw you into the pit, if you won’t throw your blood upon us.”
I gave the Word a nod, and the Word gave me its silent blessing. Then I let the people push me into the pit, but the Word carried me away from the abyss and we left the country.

Eleventh memoir

One day death came riding on the road ahead of us. He jumped off his horse by our side and asked me: “Where have you hidden the key to my kingdom?”
I spoke to Death and said thus: “I have hidden no key.”
“If you lie to me, I’ll take your soul”, he threatened.
“I have no soul”, said I and lit a cigarette.
“May I look through your purse?” Death then required.
I gave him my purse and he searched among the pearls and then disappointed handed it back to me.
“It wasn’t there”, he said and sighed heavily. “I had been told that you should have the key to my kingdom, which I had lost.”
When death had thus come to tis full stop, he mounted his horse and rode away. When death had gone his way, time talked to me and asked: “Haven’t you got the key?”
“Yes”, I admitted. “I have got the key.”
“Where is it then?” time inquired further.
“The key”, said I, “which allows you to freely enter and exit the kingdom of death, is the Laughter”.

Twelfth memoir (ending)

There was a winter, long ago, when I decided to build my house. I had already been wandering a long time and was exhausted and thus wanted to rest and I was frozen to the bone.
The frost was in the ground and the soil was hard and firm and I laid stone upon stone and built my house.
Then I asked my Lord, who had been walking by my side, to live in the house I had built. But my Lord spoke to his son in the heaven and said:
“Hearken! This man, by whose side I have been walking, has become haughty. Know, that I am a jealous god. Yea, lo! This man has built a house and now he wants me to live there, because he believes his work to be better than my creation. Woe to this worm, who believes himself to be greater than his Lord, who has created him out of mercy to his image. Yea, woe to him! My son, descend and stand as a prosecutor in front of him and command him to respond. If he won’t respond, I will take his name and his soul, and so force him to wander in mist and darkness unto the end of time at the final day. Yes, he will be an eternal wanderer, because he believed himself to be greater than the one who is. I shall break his house into pieces: I shall destroy what he has created. I shall force him to walk on and nowhere may he ever dwell. This is my, his Lord’s, test; his trial. Descend, my son, as a prosecutor, so that I may give him his punishment.”
And then came spring and with spring came thaw and the rain fell. The frost left the ground and the flood took the sand, and the sand took the foundations of my house. I tried to support the house, but then fell God’s son as lightening on top of the house, so that no stone stood upon stone: it was with the roar of thunder that he fell right at the chief cornerstone.
Yes, without soul am I forced to walk until the end of time, when the Mercy of my Lord finally will be granted to me.
I dwell only in darkness and silence, but the silence is my salvation. Alas, how does a man pronounce silence?
My Lord’s salvation is already present in the silence of the Word.
Having heard me saying this, you should know that what I really meant to say is what I never said, and still I have already said too much.
Sometimes, knowledge is a burden, for someone who has sinned by knowing too much.
Not until the final day will Wisdom be with the Word and my soul be returned to me.
But, as have already said: don’t you worry; there is an eternity until then.

First appendix (lost fragments: revision)

…and God’s son stood as a prosecutor before me and said: “You have blasphemed.”
“No”, I responded. “I have recognized no law and therefore I can’t blaspheme.”
“You have become haughty”, God’s son accused me.
“No”, I responded. “Even though I consider myself to be the image of my Lord, I don’t consider myself to be His equal”.
Then God’s son told me the third charge:
“You know of no Mercy.”
I hadn’t got the Word then, and so I couldn’t respond. Thus I remained silent, which is every suspect’s right. Then my Lord spoke from heaven and announced:
“Hearken! This man was invited, he’d been asked to respond, but he wouldn’t. Therefor I condemn him with no mercy and with no pity. I will excommunicate him during the whole of time and I will leave him so as to force him to wander like a wicked. I will also take his name, so that no one will ever greet him.”
Yea, truly, for a man who knows of no Mercy, there is only condemnation left. Surly, before his Lord he has no defense.
But sometimes, when I walk among the shadows, I close my eyes and then I hear the silent presence of the Word. If one seeks the light, one must behold with one’s inner eye…

Second Appendix (the revelation fragment)

…and again we stopped and I put my responsibility off my shoulders and sat down in order to rest. When I awoke, I saw the crippled time hysterically stumble ahead on the road in a vain attempt to escape.
And when I sat there, watching its fond flight, my heart was suddenly struck with pity and I thought: “Why not just let time go his way? I can stay here and let it go, if it so much wanted to leave me.”
And with a great rumble fell the earth down before time on its way and I saw it ascend towards heaven and when I looked at the firmament, I saw a wonderful house up there. And in the house stood the heavenly host assembled and in the center there was a tree and around the tree was a perfect splendor as of an eternal dawn. And then finally I heard the Word being uttered and God’s son stood in front of me and said: “Do you know of Mercy now?”
“Yes”, I responded and nodded towards the abyss. “Finally have I reached the end of the road.”
And when the road fell down with the ground ahead of me, God’s son took my hand and said: “Now I will carry you to the place from where you came”.
And over us fell a holy spirit and it allowed us to ascend toward the house in the heaven. From the tree there fell a fruit, which I caught, and God’s son asked me to eat, and when I ate, I felt the spirit filling me while the Jinn left.
And as we ascended I saw the Throne stand at the foot of the brilliant tree from which there ran an eternally profuse river, which emptied itself above the house; and the waters of the river were like light and then I understood that the river was the sap of the tree, and that this sap was the holy spirit that had fallen upon us.
And we stood among the assembly of the heavenly host in the house before my Lord and my Lord gave me a cup and filled the cup with water from this holy spring, and then asked me to drink from the cup and then said to me: “Son of Man, you have been wandering for an eternal time, but you reached the end of the road on this final day, which is eternal dawn, where there is no time. The earth has fallen down into the abyss. You have carried your responsibility the entire distance and at the end of the road you came to know of Mercy, and thus I grant you amnesty. Be welcome to this eternity which you had left and to which you have now returned.” And when my Lord greeted me, I got my name back and then my Lord asked me to descend into the waters of the spring, which sprung out of the tree, so that I might be purified.
And laughing I descended into the waters and laughing I ascended afterwards and then I too became a son of God by adoption. And the Word and the Wisdom had their wedding right there and I gave them my purse with the pearls as a gift…

…and again I open my eyes and again I’m surrounded by shadows and darkness. The mist lies in thick veils as a firm wall of blackness. I light a cigarette and behold time, as it walks ahead of me on the road, before I take up my responsibility and begin walking up to it…