this isn't a complaint

or even an excuse... it's barely a text at all...

no, it's been enough of that from me lately... complaining, I mean...

... well, always... to be fair...

You look at where you are, who you think you are

and you say... hey, I don't know how to describe this...

I guess it's actually a trivial matter

... angst and all that

you feel like you aren't really here

it's existential... trivial and bothersome...

sometimes life is nothing more than a burden...

... since you can't describe it any other way

and sometimes... more times than not... it's just life

I've been guilty of glorifying my disillusion with the world...

... with life and the life I've chosen to live

through knowledge, genes or previous actions...

... it doesn't matter.

I find myself looking at the faults more than anything else

... so much so I can't really see the good anymore

Maybe it's just psychology...

but that really doesn't make things easier in any way...

or even more bearable... no, it's just what might be... probably is...

I know I'm a bit... let's call it strange... I'd call it twisted or crazy...

it as it should be

... would now be any different...

if this now would lose whatever bad there is... it wouldn't be now anymore...

... I wouldn't be me and you wouldn't be you

I find this utterly fascinating...

... ti'll I get bored

and I stop writing... for the moment...

and light another cigarette...

this is life... not the life... but life non-the-less...

/