I shouldn't write this right now
… maybe later… not now…
it's not fully formed… not reasonable…
… barely even a shred of clarity here

but… I guess it's fine…
exactly as it should be… as it always is...

floating on a wingless birds trajectory
… it's smokey trail
a ripped, winged brick on fire, thrown from eager hands
my mentality in a nutted shell

there is no way out of this place I've caged myself in

I am…full... fully formed

and I woke up alive again this morning

it… it scared me… for a second
… an instant… the pause between first breath and coffee

but I forgot
… truth is… I ignored… discarded despair and all that

it's not that I don't try to be a forced-happy-plastered-smile shaved ape

it's easier just to continue than to start anew
… much more natural to fuck up…

and to bury whatever expression the face should show
under piles and piles of nothing and a little less

and… I don't feel all the time
… sometimes there's a pleasant little void where mess usually shoved itself in
and once in a blue moon my smile ain't fictive

you know… I love the feel of wet sand under my the soles of my bare feet
a blue sky just before clouds set in and turn blue into gray
… the smell of a thunderstorm and the soaked soil afterwards
I'd call it magical, but it isn't…
it's better though…
it's real

I suppose I should stop now…
with this…
there's no sense in this nonsense
… I guess, in that sense… there is sense
it's still nonsense… but… defined as such
therefore… sense

… umm… yea… sure… whatever…

/