The scene is black as night except for a tiny spotlight, a microphone and a large chrome chair.
There\'s a black door that suddenly opens up right smack in the middle of the stage and bright light starts pouring out making the sloppily dressed woman who staggeringly enters almost seem invisible against the light.
The door swiftly close behind her and she take a quick swig of an unlabeled flask she\'s carrying with her...
She slowly moves toward the chair and looks around nervously as if she was expecting someone to attack her before she manages to sit down.
She\'s caressing the chair, sizing it up and very noticeably taking in every tiny facet of the object in front of her.
There is no sense of recognition in her face.
She slowly sits down and at the very same moment a loud boom is heard thru the speakers.
The boom turns into a voice clearing it\'s throat and with a wheeze starts uttering these words
\"Hello and welcome to this, the final resting-place of all your sins and despicable accomplishments. Please take a moment realizing you are no more... you\'ve seized to be... umm... kicked the bucket... snuffed it... i.e. you are very very dead. Hold for photo!\"
A flash goes off from somewhere, lighting up the stage, the audience and the woman for a split second. The voice continues
\"Thank you... now, umm... state your case\"
The woman gingerly leans forward, grabs the microphone with both hands and drops the flask at the same time. The bottle doesn\'t brake, it just makes the sound cheap plastic makes against hard wood... She mutters something inaudible and manages to croak out
\"What took you so goddamn long? Or... am I dreaming agai... that s.o.b... you drugged me again, didn\'t you? He’d never let me... that freak... that psychotic little freak\"
Her voice fades away in a very audible gasp, her eyes grow very wide and for a moment she doesn\'t move. She doesn\'t even breathe.
A huge grin starts spreading across her face, making every little wrinkle stretch out... her upper-lip is finally releasing the grip of her upper row of teeth... showing off what yellow fangs she has left. She continues
\"It\'s real, isn\'t it? I finally made it, didn\'t I?\"
She stands up forcefully, making a loud boom as her feet crash against the floor... She starts screaming... unintelligible words and gibberish and then...
\"Didn\'t I... Hello!!! Is there anyone out there?\"
A soft \'click\' is heard and then the voice come back and says
\"Oh sorry... bit of a mix-up here... We didn\'t ask you to go crazier than you already are and make all the sense of a monkey going la-la-la-la-la... Come on, State your friggin\' case... need some pointers or are you actually more intelligent than you look?\" all this with the voice of a grandma telling her nephew that if you masturbate you go to hell... and if you think about hell you go to hell... and if you look at a member of the opposite sex, guess what? You go to hell...
The woman has sheepishly sat down on the chair again; she\'s dangling her feet in the air making a very stereotypical rendering of a twelve-year old girl...
She leans forward and fumbles about without looking, trying to grab the microphone... it takes a while and the whole thing nearly tips over twice before she grabs it and pushes under her bowed-down head and she whimpers an almost inaudible
The voice starts to laugh... not a vile laugh but a soft, warm, inviting laugh as if he suddenly realize that death might be sort of scary and he needs to lighten the mood but don\'t know how... so he laughs for a little while, making the woman both a little uncomfortable and a little less afraid... then he says
\"Don\'t worry, child... I didn\'t mean to scare you or anything... it\'s just a rough day for me... I mean, Sid from accounting... D\'you know Sid? No, of course you don\'t... well suffice it to say that that dude is a royal pain in the you-know-what... and... Oh... sorry, you really don\'t need my grief now, do you? He he... Ok, let\'s start over, shall we?\"
The woman is nodding along with every word and understandably gets more confuse by the second...
The voice speedily continues...
\"Ok, first the facts... you are dead... a’ right? Now we need you to give us a good reason not to send you packing... a good thing or a bad thing... something that defines you... preferably in ten words or less since Margot is home sick and my typing skills suck you-know-whats... Let\'s take it step by step... we can come back to the reason-thing later... first we need a name and a favorite number or color or season or actually anything you prefer is good... Come on, hit me\"
The woman is startled, looking like she has no clue of what the hell is going on... which she really don\'t... but she answers the voice as clear as she can...
\"My name is Suzanne and my favorite... well, I like purple and autumn and the number four and coffee... but what has that got to do with anything? And I thought you were all knowing and all that... isn\'t the bible...\"
The voice interrupts her very violently...
\"The Bible?! Ha! No, sorry it\'s not like it\'s wrong but it\'s definitely not right... I mean, it might be right for you but if you look at it from our eyes... Shyte, you guys with your beliefs, thinking it\'s your world and that\'s it... How can I put it so you might understand it... you guys still do that thing with the ball and the twelve or so people fighting for it, right?\"
The woman has gone back to confused... everything about her screams \"what the fuck\"!
The voice continues
\"Well, your world isn\'t the ball or the players, it\'s not even the goal... it\'s one leaf of grass somewhere on the field and not even the leaf knows where the hell it is... We are, on the other hand the insect that fly from leaf to leaf feeding on the good stuff... you see my point? It\'s huge and no one entity has it right cause there is no right to have... as far as anyone could ever know anyway... no matter tho... it\'s not critical to your situation. Let\'s continue... Ok, Suzanne and the various things she likes... Check! Now we need the reason. Are you, in your mind, good or bad and can you give one single reason for what you think? Thanks... come on... speak!\"
Her eyes lit up like a child getting a treat when the voice referred to her by name... She hadn\'t heard another voice uttering her name since she-don\'t-know-when... people usually call her \'Get-out-of-my-way-you-freaking\'-bum\' or just \'creep\'... She almost missed the question she was asked but brought back violently and she responds...
\"Dunno... I used to be good... I think... I\'m not so bad so I must be good\"
The voice let out a loud sigh at her response... and mutters something un-nice under it\'s breath... and...
\"Aw come on... gimme something to work with here... just because you\'re not one thing doesn\'t mean you\'re the other... pick a single event in your existence and explain why you are good or bad at that moment... you\'ve got to help me out here...\"
She cringed, closed her eyes and bowed her head and with an almost whisper-quiet voice said
\"I was never good... They told me I killed my mother when I was conceived... and once they gave me a pet as a present, it growled at me and ran away every-time I got near... I was never good but I was always me... I never lied... never was spiteful or mean... I was never good \'cause I couldn\'t ever understand... I never got the point... I never saw the smiles on their faces as a good thing... I never loved...\"
The voice said nothing and for a little while there were no motion, no sound... as if in a second life itself died on that stage...
And then... without warning... she stood up and walked out to the very edge of the stage... she sat down and laid back... legs dangling over the edge and spoke these words in a soft voice
\"Do with me what you wish... I understand now... it\'s not freedom if you have to earn it... it\'s not good if you have to force it... it\'s not right if you have to fake it and this... I am done...\"
The voice sighed and the speakers trembled... then it started to speak softly
\"Are you that destroyed by a single stint in life? You’ve improved slightly from your last time tho... and the time before that nothing could make you shut up about how bad your life was... lots ‘a yada-yada but no real point to any of it... well fine... gimme a minute...\"
A loud click was heard, then a dial tone... then silence...