I remember everything I'd really rather just forget
of all the events and people and days I want to remember
I remember none at all
maybe there's none to remember
Maybe I've forgotten
Maybe I never noticed them when they occurred
it's like a punishment of some sort

Maybe I was a real douche in my past life
a fiend of gigantic proportions
or someone who just snickered a whole lot
either way I deserve pain

I try to see the poetry in this dung-heap of a life I mislead
I attract flies... don't know if that's good...
also... I hope I make people feel better about themselves
you know, compared with my whines about my time
your life must seem a tad better... c'mon... a tad... a little one?

It's not true though
I lie a whole lot
both down and when using words
It's not bold-faced or even about things that matter
I'd never lie about emotions
or events
maybe places... and... things happening there
or... you know... what I feel...
the synapses in my cortex when my sensory equipment register something
and also... stuff... like my favourite colour... it's red
but I'd never admit to that in person
in person it's be purple... or maybe gray...

My mind is twisted tonight... I've done absolutely nothing...
my bed was warm and cozy... so I didn't get up...
I skipped a skippable class... cause, you know, I can...
sociology... god, is it boring... Actually, no... I kinda like it...
It's dry and complex and lots and lots of words...
I'm nowhere near clever enough for this thing
I'm more of a "Do you want fries with that?" kinda guy...

The people at school are all weird...
It's just strange to not being laughed at
or ignored or looked at with eww in the eyes
I feel uneasy for some reason...
I don't deserve this, I think...

All of a sudden life just serves me a portion of some stuff I've never tasted before...
its like chewing gum for the first time in your life...
you don't know what the hell you're supposed to do
and it's fairly certain that anything you try is the wrong thing

on the other hand... it could be worse...
it could always be worse...
I long for worse... I cast long lusty looks at worse
I dream of worse and pray for worse to be
... yea... I mean... at least it's something out-of-the-norm...

Have I ever told you about the time nothing happened at all and then I looked up and there were no one there and then they all ran away and left me there alone without doing anything at all... and neither did I?!

I usually leave off with a poem about something nice...
here it is...

it's trivial
complex and dumb
wasteful and frivolous
demented and confused
as though it mattered... it doesn't...
step back... take a breath
love's all lies and sweet smiles
it's always fading anyway
best never try
with no beginning there can be no end
doesn't matter anyway
we all die alone...
... together

/