As much as I hate to admit it
I think you're back to being a dream
And I think that's the hardest thing of all


I spent night after night
Thinking I'd never have you
Fearing that I'd never be done
Completed

Years and years


It feels like decades



Then you were there
All sparks and magic and impossible reality
With your hand in mine
Your breath in my face
And your smile in my eyes

And it was for me


Not just directed at me

But because of me

It made my knees shake
And set my heart racing like a greyhound



And life was good.


Life still is

But your smile is yet again
Directed at me

It's not for me

Not because of me


It makes my throat ache
And it makes my heart pound slow and deep and hard

Even if it is just for a second or two

Not so much because you're no longer mine


But because I'm back to dreaming of love

Instead of tasting it on my lips


And smelling it's lavender scent on my pillows

It feels like I was dreaming
Woke up
And now I'm back to sleep



But now the dreams are a paler shade

And my sheets smell like green apple fabric softener.