I still think of her quite often


But I never really let myself relate or empathize with what i see with my minds eye
It's like I'm watching a movie
Depicting the places we went, things we did and memories we share

Because I know, that if I let myself feel what I see

It will cut me
Time heals all wounds
But some take too long for comfort


I especially avoid really remembering the day she left
When I realized what had happened
I shattered

Like a pain of glass
And the only reason i didn't fall apart
Was that all the splintered pieces of myself
Were leaning together
In a fragile state of numb equilibrium

The times I've found myself remembering that day fully
The memory turns to a diamond stylus
That slowly and carefully etches pain into the shards of glass that I am
The shards that I thought were mended by time and repression

The joy I've found in my new life cowers and withers
And all I can think of is how long it was since I saw her smile
A smile that was just for me
How the hole in my life is patched with nothing more
Than a line of others
That all seem pale and meaningless
In the light that no longer shines on me

I don't resent her for the choices she made
They were hers to make

I just wish that I was one of them


And that one day
I might stop looking for her