Wanted to go, but couldn't
because the panic told me not to
To be more precise
the panic told me I would be killed
strangled, like it wasn't the anxiety that shut off my air

Wanted to go, but couldn't
because I hyperventilated in a bathroom
with raspy paper
just trying to breathe through my tears
hearing the panic tell me I would cry
like it wasn't the anxiety forcing the tears

Wanted to go, but couldn't
because thoughts of home grew
made my apartment the biggest place on earth
a castle where I would be safe
if only I could make it of the bathroom

Wanted to go, but couldn't
because the shame falling on me like rocks
beating me to the ground
I got bruised, I hurted
and I could not breathe
the panic told me I would hurt
like it wasn't the panic that was hurting me with rocks

Wanted to go but couldn't
because all boogie men where out
screaming, raging, beating their fists
against the cracked glass of my soul

Wanted to, but couldn't
because I was hurt
because I was ashamed
because I could not breathe

Wanted to go, but couldn't
because the nights I did not sleep
the days when my stomach was aching
and my shoulders where made of stone

Wanted to go, but couldn't
I just hid in the bathroom
trying to control my mind controling my body
Panicing, fleeing from the wild animals of my brain
couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't be safe

I did not go, but I prevailed
I opened the door and stepped out
tears of shame on my face
and breathing a little jagged

Wanted to go, but didn't
but I still came out the victor
again the master of my mind and my soul

Wanted to go, but couldn't
but still surrounded by love