As I recall,
I’ve always been good with words but bad with feelings. Funny how ironic that is. How can a hopeless romantic be so terrified of falling in love?

I guess falling out of love or getting my heart broken is my biggest scare. However, when you’re in love everything is picture perfect. The sky is more blue, birds are more cheerful and life is much more bearable.

When you’re out of love though, that’s when it really sucks. You constantly feel like you’re suffocating, everything feels black and white and you don’t know what’s next for you.

I try not to think of these things as I dive into the sea, trying to drown my thoughts, trying to suffocate them. The more I think about it, the deeper I dive, the harder I suffer. The warm water surrounds my body and hugs me like a lover. I don’t want to get out so I swim deeper, failing to escape it but willing to try harder.

My ears start buzzing, my heart beats like a drum and I know, I have to get out, I have to face reality. Because I want it all. I want the ups, the downs, and the bumps. I want to feel so intensely that it hurts. I don’t want to stay in my comfort zone, I want to get out of it even if the thought terrifies me.

I get out of the water with a gasp. I don’t know how long I’ve been down there. I try hard to catch my breath and I think. Think of what can happen. Think of what can’t. I guess no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be a hopeless romantic, longing for love, lust, and devotion.