Her words opened trap doors

to my then clumsy overthinking.

I subconsciously demanded, unfortunately... that all the wrongs in life outside of us would be solved by her mere existence by my side; to be a kind of imposed love response between us which would be EVERYTHING, but she only had vague feelings and desire at first.


Stood there somewhat puzzled

by her superficial use of buzzwords for feelings and performing "relationship tests" which seemed to be without anchoring in herself. The "trends" for romantic relationships for "women", which were unknown to me, which then appeared in Vecko-Revyn, Frida, Aftonbladet and Min Häst, that was her source of information... As well as everything she listened to and reinforced herself with from her mother and her friends' imagined and real own experiences and that became a consensus without her inner participation.

My inner list of everything She should have; beauty, freshness, something extra, all this rareness was there in front of me and only for me as if free. Too easily caught. Forced myself to love this superficial image, forced me to overlook the inner; which was still immature and undeveloped for us.

We dug up our real selves as if by chance, the untouched human, the true in us no one else had touched, as if from a mine valuable enough to live and die for. We found the passion, the heat, the true love which came with tears of our happiness, the great understanding; and we became each other's missing pieces. We didn't even understand it ourselves then. It just happened.

We marked the grounds around the mine for our nests. The hours of the days and nights, in silence and promises, in hardness and softness, we were united in embraces.

The end began with a pause. Then came another pause. In the end, it was so clumsily managed that we forgot what we had found, which many people do so quickly in adolescence. A stupid careless word, something you heard from others who wanted to ruin your happiness, and a few immature insults. It ended.

Now? The present is still inserted with the past. What we have lived always remains.