(Only my thoughts written in a plane from Africa.
Listening to Brahms Symphony No. 1 Tragic Overture.
In C Minor Op 68.)


1st Movement Un Poco Sostenuto – Allegro

I see the cotton clouds in the skies beneath me.

And I realize.
That.
If you are a looser you will lose.
If you are a winner you will win.

And victories will not come easy.

You just have to face the true facts of life.

So please,
don not look me in the eyes,
if you don´t mean it.

Eyes can kill.

Love can kill!

And life will certainly kill you.

And the death machine was started when we was born.

No escape. What so ever.

Just to pass the time away and wait for the end.

When all the parts in your body are worn out.

And your brain is worn out and disintegrated.

So I am tired of all this.

To stand in line to wait for my turn,
to go to the butcher.

So I am through with that in my mind.

Cause I don´t care about the line any more.
I just leave it to all the others.

I will just cross the line,
and try to make peace with the enemy inside me.

The enemy inside myself.

And walk my own way,
holding my enemy in my hand.


2nd Movement Andante Sostenuto

True reflections of life.

Come through suffering.

Like Nike Nolte said;
“I don´t thrust people,
that has not suffered”

And who are the people that has suffered?

The poor people in the shacks at Cape Verde?

The poor people in the mud houses in Mazar el Sharif?

The tiny kids in the orphanages?

The people that had no chance.

Not in life!

And somehow.

Some people take the chance,
even in the they didn´t have a chance.

And I heard a thesis about the children from orphanages
that didn´t get love and nearness.

"That´s why they fade away!"

But I refuse to fade away.

That’s why I am able to love,
in spite of all.


3rd Movement Un Poco Allegretto e Grazioso

I have walked through the horizons,
against the mirage.

I have seen the mirage.

That our life is about!

I have walked all my day alone in Moscow,
to understand what life is about.

I have seen so much,
to much,
to meet you,
in your eyes.

And I´m declaring my love,
like you do,
in your way.

And I have once more tried to understand.

How love works.

And still the distance is to far.

Like across the
aisle of this plane.

So short,
but still miles away.

It´s like from LA to San Francisco at Pacific Highway 1.

And you don´t want to do that ride without a cabriolet.

You don´t need a roof at that ride.

The only thing you need is a roof in life.
A space in life.

But the true tragedy in life is,
that life dosen´t have roofs.

The inevitable end is the only roof that is.

It´s like a shadow in a dark idle morning.

When there is no one to hug in your fetal position.

But strong eyes can look through all this.

And love can conquer this,
if there is true understanding.

That have I learned.

But you have to search for true understanding.

And it´s real hard to find.

Almost impossible to find.

Trust me.

I have tried!

So why stretch out your hand in the dark,
when there is no one that meets you?

And I once got the question if I can hear the birds chirp,
and I answered;
“The chirp in my ears and mind is much louder
than you can imagine.
Cause in artists brains the chirp is always present!”

And even hardcore guys like me,
needs people who love them in the rapture.

Like Bukowski said;

“Dogs have more style,
than some people”

And sometimes I lose my style,
when dogs are standing tal.

And when I then look in to the darkness,
there is no one to meet me.

Just cognitive dissonance.

And.

Adaptive preference formations.

From people around me.

And that´s contrary to lemons sharks,
that don’t need to care.

They just love each other as they are.

Like in Schopenhauer’s thesis about evolution.


4th Movement Adagio – Piu Andante –
Allegro Non Troppo, Ma Con Brio

Like love.

Religions are fucking up our minds.

Why need illusions?

When you only have yourself to trust?

Or!

Who has the true answer?


5th “Tragic Overture” Op 81

So please!

Don´t tell me how it all ends.

I want to see it with my own eyes!

I just have to cry more than I do.

Before the end is coming.