I've made a new connection, with a broken soul. With a human in need for new ground. I like him, he confirms me, I confirm him. We allow each other to breath, we give space, we see and give love and send healing energy. We see new perspectives, we talk, we can feel in the safe space we created. This human open up a new door back to my teenage years and childhood. How much responibility I was taking. How much I carried as a young human. How I continued to work hard and a lot, to be that "good girl" and I always showed up. I always did my best. I never did wrong. Until it all became to much. That's why I am so reckless now. Finally came to a point where the only responsibility I have is myself. Because that is the only power I have left to deal with. I needed to break like this to find who I really am. To fight against, not to please and be all "you" want me to be. And do all "you" want me to do. My main thing has always been to know first and act later, but it's been something I've learned, it never came natually. I have no power. I just have "things" I need to do, "things" I have to do. It was never fun, it never came as something I wanted to do. I have no intrest, I have no drive. Because that fire burned out years ago. Like a sharp stone that turned into a flat one shaped by it's nature to fit in, slowly wasched over to be lost in sand like the rest of worn down stones. When did we give in, why didn't we fight, how do we find back to our original form? Can we still find it? Can we still fit in it? Are we hopeless or can you still feel your heart beat, can you still feel that inner spark, can we turn it around? Can I? Maybe our call in life is to find back, future is still coming, even if we want it or not. So what are we waiting for? The right moment?

I think I can feel it, the heart beat, that pulse, how is rise, how it calms down. Can you feel it to?