I really don't know either what to do or say anymore.
No matter what i do it always seems to end up with me being slapped in the face. i don't know if it's Karma who just freaking hates me,
or if i just deserved it every time.

I mean, they always tell you that friends are forever right? that no matter what happens, the ones who'll stay by your side until the very end, are the guys you want closest to your heart. in my case, that would be my friends.

but for some reason, not even they want to stay with me. i really don't understand anymore. what could i possibly have done, to make them all want to leave me? is it because i'm fat? is it because i'm short? or am i just that hard to be with? those questions are all rolling around in my head, they don't intend to stop, they don't intend to even slow down an inch.

With the tears streaming down my face, with my heart falling down from my chest and end up on the floor, i slowly realize that this is what it feels like when you've got nothing left. When you're broken down, and can't see the light, this is the feeling you get. That no one can hear you scream anymore. No one would even realize that you're gone. it doesn't matter how many times you try to pick yourself up, because that feeling will still be there. maybe for the first time.

But hey, who am i to complain, right? i mean, i got everything i need right here..
who needs friends, love or even compassion, when all you need in the very end is yourself? well.. even while trying to believe it, i just know deep down that i'm just fooling myself. I need them more than anything in the world. But when they don't want to be with me, what the hell am i supposed to do? Where's my god this time?