... filled with so much
but most of all
of utterly scarefully
absolute tears for fear ...

And no one
almost no one who
ever even cared
to either listen to
nor hear
my continuously instant call
out into the universe 
surrounding me
for someone to give me some help
or any kind of support at all ...

All those years
so very long time ago
passed away ...

... but,
still as current
and filled
with fears and tears
today
as they were yesterday ...

It's kind of like if someone
had cast a spell
on me ...

... A kind of curse
that everyone everywhere
can't resist to see ...

... but, 
in a kind of consensus
they all together have agreed
has a better future 
if it's considered as a fairytale
then if it would be let
to be cleared for sale ...

That would be
too scary for anyone
if they let themselves to believe
what I try to share
with them about what has happened
and still is happening to me ...

- Allt these years
still to come
can't hold any more tears ...

... even though the fear itself
today within
has become to be
something I still can feel
as if it would begin to evolve
to be
the last thing left in my mind
that I never will resolve ...

Something no one else want to see
is what is to be
a pure hell to me
just because ...

... if they would even care
or maybe dear to see
that this is all
something they could
take away from me
and from all
those tears of fear
finally
make me fully free ...

But,
if they so would
realize that they could
as well as they so should ...

... it has so proven to be
the fact,
based up on what has been 
and still is happening to me
that it's all so much easier
and more likely
that they chose to forget
what they might have heard or seen ...

...  than to have to live
the rest of their lives
with the awareness
of the consequences
caused by what they
never did earlier for me ...

... during all those years
I tried so hard to call out
to make them hear and see
why and what
was happening and had
most for worse than bad
therefore so happened to me ...

... All those things
from which they
with almost no effort at all
could have had done for me ...

... All those things
that was and still so do ...

 ... what caused and is the cause to
all those tears for fear
which continuously
still too efficiently 
keeps doing it's best
to be killing me ...

Even though
it might seem to be
like if  I sometimes try
to hide most of all
what is most worse
to me
away from you ...

... The truth
is that that is not the case
what I really try to do ...

It's rather so
that I lie to myself
to be enabled to
slow down that spell
from letting it's curse
throw me all the way to hell ...

... At least as long
as it would take 
to make someone listen to my call
for some adequate help
before I finally have to give in
to what I don't want to give up for yet ...

Miss you 
even more than
I miss life itself
as I know it could be
like it used to 
way back in time ...

A time
when I had someone like you
who filled up most of my mind ...

Someone special
very one and only to me ...

Just like you are too
and so still
will continue to be to me
if you only came to stay
to be with me,
not only to pray
but to set me free
with you every day ...