and the shame and fear
was used as defence
she couldn't act right
couldn't think straight
fight or fright in action
until she saw

the unconscious pattern
and made it conscious
still hiding behind the
wall of smoke

shame kept her from
saying the truth and fear
kept her from feeling
the innermost feelings

and as a defensive tool she
used the hiding behind the
wall of smoke

selfpunishment was her
tool if she did it good enough
noone could hurt her and
selfattack was the key to
allowing herself to keep
in hiding behind the
wall of smoke

She thought

I don't deserve a healthy life
not worthy of any kind of love
and closeness out of the question
and tenderness the same
numbing all the feelings
hiding behind the
wall of smoke

but the defences ran out of
power weakening the inhibition
and the adaptive affects
took their place and the coping
strategies were awakened within
her still hiding behind the
wall of smoke

the wall of smoke were destroyed
in anger and full of compassion
she started the new life all over
again exploring new emotions
new behaviours and new
coping strategies and
not hiding behing the
wall of smoke

no more

She deserves to live healthy
deserves to be loved and love
herself and she's worthy of
the closeness and tenderness
never hiding behind the
wall of smoke

no more

by God's power and Her own
always released
in relief