The life I have, I didn’t want.

The life I wanted, I didn’t get.

The life I have, I can not see

and the life I wanted, that is gone.

Into a unbelievable  diffusion

of bits and pieces I cannot put together. 

Yet

has ageing given me pleasures, moments and happiness,

I couldn’t see coming.

As young, I saw myself as a saviour

a man that could change the world into something better, into a better life. For everyone.

Now, old, I see the same but realise

that the world didn’t see it my way.

This stupid world

whith all these stupid people

who couldn’t understand.

Never understood.

And never will.

My place is not here,

my soul is not yours,

not even mine,

and still I urge to be a part.

But I’m not,

I’m absolutely not.

And has never been.

This is the diffusion.

Wandering in milky woods

lost at any point.

Confused by shadows, heaven, stars, and memories,

I cannot put together,

to who I am

and to what I want

to who I was

and what I wanted.

So, I’ve fallen in love with more women than I've met

and those I meet I seldom fell in love with.

So, I’ve called so many men my friends

but few of them is still around.

I’ve been in front of a machine gun

in the mountains of Afghanistan.

I’ve been hijacked by a French mob

yet then I had the answers.

I’ve seen more death than living,

’cause death was always me.

I know the whys but cannot understand

the answers,

and this is the diffusion.

I’m still here on the platform I didn’t build.

I know it’s there

but I don’t know where it is

in time, in room or mind,

and this is the diffusion.

Yet

have years-gone-by given me pleasures, moments and happiness,

I couldn’t see coming.

I feel like a contemptible thing

no one has use of

unless their heart is on the line.

Then I am supposed to be there,

and I am, I am,

but they’re never around when I need them.

I hate the might that’s put upon me

but I love the might when I have it,

but I’ve never had it.

Because no one saw that I was right.

History has proven I was

but that doesn’t help me now.

Yet I see where the world is going.

As a whole and for each an anyone I meet.

I better walk into wonderland.

Get locked up and accept the injections

of some medicine

they’ve not yet invented...

I know I can give people something

but my platform is wrong

moving from nowhere to nowhere

and this is the diffusion...

How many a time haven’t I wished to be younger!

When I see these souls

with their charisma, strength and promising future.

I want to be there but can’t.

My platform doesn’t allow me

Not any more.

And I hate it.

Yet

have days given me pleasures, moments and happiness,

I couldn’t see coming.

All these girls I wanted to take

to a billowing field of grass, cornflowers, ox-eyed daisies and  poppies

so that they could see that making babies was worth it.

I took a few. I know. But not many enough.

All these men I wanted to give a courage to

so they could stand up against father’s worse than mine.

And I did. But not many enough.

I probably made them all unhappy. 

Because my platform was in nowhere and everywhere.

Flying around. As it is just now.

And there is the diffusion...

I’m a nutcase. Says my psycho.

Afraid of telling me so.

Now I know why.

He knew I was gonna freak.

And I did. Straight into destruction.

And that’s the diffusion.