I don’t know how much more of this I can take. My mixed blood excludes me from the gangs. Being young and rather small makes me an easy target. Most of the time I try to be as invisible as possible but there’s always someone who spots me. It doesn’t matter that I know how to fight when there’s five of them. And if I manage to fight one or two off it only gets worse. The last time it happened I saw him. I could’ve sworn the look he gave me told me to be strong.

He mostly keeps to himself. One of the biggest guys in the unit. Even if he’s a loner only a fool would mess with him. I know he can take care of him self. I saw him coming out of the showers yesterday. His upper body was full of old scars.
- What the hell are you looking at?
- Your body. You look very strong.
I don’t know why I said that. But I know at this point I’ll do anything, be anyone just as long as this comes to an end. I had to choose someone so I began following him around. 

I ought to beat the crap out of him. He’s just a kid. Following me around. Why can’t he leave me alone? And who does he think he is, saying things like that? I should rip his throat out. I’m Jonny Steel. Steel, says it all. I saw them coming last week. He looked at me. I walked away.

He’s found a place where he can be alone. I have no idea what he’s doing there. I followed him earlier today. It’s now or never I thought, and snuck in. He looked up and when he saw that it was me he sighed.
- Do you mind if I sit here for a while?
- Yeah. I do.
I knew I had to follow this thru. I sat down. Another sigh.
- I’ll be quiet as a mouse.
- You better be or I’ll kick your ass.
He doesn’t do anything special. Just sits there with his eyes closed. He’s probably thinking but I’m not sure. After half an hour he rose and looked at me.
- Don’t tell anyone about this place and never try anything funny with me.
- Wouldn’t dream of it.
I think I can win him over. It’s going to take time though and I’m running out of that.

I used to have a place of my one but the kid found me. Like a mouse, yeah, he caught my scent and sniffed me out. He just happened to pass by and decided to drop in. All of a sudden he was there, tilting his head and sat down beside me. He promised to be quiet. If he hadn’t I would have kicked his ass. I know what he wants. Protection. I can’t help him. I won’t take a beating for him. I’ve done my share of fighting. Just because I’m a loner some punks thinks I’m the perfect guy to take down. I get it. They want to earn their place. Too bad for them, the only place they end up in is a hospital bed. But I guess he’s in a much worse situation than me. And now, I have to share my place with him. Sure, be my fucking guest, as long as you keep your mouth shut and don’t try anything funny with me.

I had to ask my father for help. If anyone ever found out who my father is I would be beaten to death. I changed my surname ten years ago. In order to protect him. He can never visit me so he sends me messages through others. Jonny Steel, armed robbery against a CIT. Ended up in a shoot out with the police, took one in the shoulder and one in the leg. He might as well have gotten one in the head. Lucky bastard. My oldest sister Sarah tells me everything. Before she’s leaving she also tells me that he’s done what I asked and that she’s put some more money in my account. Mom wants me to call her next week. That’s all good news. It’s taken mom a long time to come to terms with the fact that her only son is a murderer. Dad understood right away, it was me or him. 

How he pulled it off I’ll never know. He’s seems to be incredibly resourceful, I’ll give him that. Hanson came by and said that Carter wanted to move out.
- Just like that? Are you taking request this week?
- Don’t try to be funny Steel.
- Nah just playing. You know me. Who’s gonna take his place?
I knew the answer before he spoke. Sure, Carter isn’t the type of guy I would share a pint with but he’s pretty quiet, except when he sleeps. But I wasn’t in the mood at all of having to deal with a newcomer. No need to worry. In came the mouse. 

Carter moved out and I moved in. I bought a few things I hoped would please Jonny. I tried to be funny and I kept my mouth shut whenever he told me to. He likes the fact that I don’t snore. I can endure the others because sooner or later he has to make a choice. 

He isn’t so bad after all. He knows how to get things and he’s kinda funny. For a kid. When I tell him to shut up, he obeys. And he doesn’t snore. I know there are those still giving him a hard time. I have to make a decision. He’s my cellmate now. I should have his back, shouldn’t I? 

They came. Four of them. I braced myself. Closed my eyes. Instead of pain I was hit by the sound of bones breaking and a man screaming. It was over almost as soon as it had begun. The four of them were lying on the floor. Blood spatter on the wall. And he was standing in front of me, roaring like a bear. Then the guards came and took him away. 

They came. Four of them. I acted without thinking. I broke an arm, dislocated a kneecap, broke a nose and kicked one in the groin. Two weeks in the hole then home sweet home. Two weeks, but it was worth it. The look on their faces. Guess I’m the proud owner of a mouse now. But I can’t call him Mouse. He would probably not like that. I have to give him a better name. Mini? Nah. He’s pretty tiny and short though. What’s his name? I don’t know. I’ll ask the next decent guard. Marsden, Timothy. Mars. Yeah, I’ll call him Mars. He has no other choice than to accept that now that he’s gotten what he wants. 

The cell is spotless. Everything’s in order. I managed to get him some coffee. I haven’t felt this calm in a long time, haven’t slept this well in years. He’ll be here soon. Two weeks in the hole. He did it for me. I belong to him now. I’ll just take it easy, be out of his way and let him decide everything. 

I got snotty comments from the others on my way back to the cell. Was it worth it just to get my dick sucked? If he’s any good could I pass him on? I ignored them, shook my head and kept on walking.
The cell is clean, everything’s in order. The bed’s made and there are clean clothes for me to wear. What’s that? Coffee?
- You’re okay Mars.
- Mars?
- Yeah, better than Mouse?
- I guess so. So, two weeks huh?
- Uh-huh. So how’ve you been?
- Better.
- Only better?
- I kind of missed you.
I had to give him a smack on the head.
- Don’t!
- Sorry. And thank you.
- For what?
- For having my back.
- Sure. Are you gonna give me some of that coffee or what? 

Mars becomes my shadow. It doesn’t take long before we start doing things together. Work out and watch TV. He's usually one step behind me. It took some time to get use to it but now it’s kinda funny. I like to trick him. Like when I stop walking without him knowing. He hasn’t got a chance to avoid bumping into me and when he does I smack him on the head. I kinda like it when he looks down and smiles. It's like raising a pup. This pup though knows how to get me things. We always have a stack of tuna and peanut butter and fruit. And he gets me lots of stamps.    

There's this woman who writes to me. Lisa 35. She wanted to be my friend at first, but now she definitely wants more. Some women are like that. Prefers the rougher type of men. Gets turned on the idea of being with someone like me. She would never dare if it was for real but who cares? I need to pass some time and she looks okay. Mars provides me with stylish stationeries whenever I need it. He writes the letters. I tell him what to write and he makes it look good. I do notice how he grimaces when I get a little intimate. Intimate. Well, what the fuck should I call it then? I’m no different than the others. I’m horny as hell. Of course I need some new fantasies. Every time I want him to write about sex his lip drops a little on one side. I like to tease him. But he still writes what I tell him to. And she isn’t that shy anymore. Thanks to him. 

He calls me Mars. Better than the Mouse. Wherever he goes, I follow. One step behind. It took some time to get use to but it’s become rather fun. A game between us. Sometimes he just stops walking and I bump right into him. He smacks me on the head, I look down and smile. He seems to like this a lot. We work out together. I pretend to be a little timid and weak. He’s strong as a bear. When he wants to teach me how to fight, I simply play along, admire him his skills and make him feel good about himself. I even play jealous when he writes to a woman. Actually, I’m writing. He dictates. 

I can hear him sometimes. He’s also horny I guess. Yesterday I pretended to sleep. He was very quiet, but I recognize the sound. When I moved and mumbled, he stopped. After a while he started again. I muttered. He became silent. Then again. I moved. He lay still. The rhythmic sound started again. He began breathing heavily.
- Mars?
- Mm?
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- You woke me up.
- Sorry.
- Bring me some water, will ya.
- Sure.
He’s standing two feet from my face ready to climb back up. Even in the dark  I can see his boxers bulging.
- Rub my feet.
- What?
- I said, rub my feet.
- Now?
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.  
It's nice to have someone. It hits me. Sure, this is taking it a step too far, but what am I suppose to do? I was pretty unfair. Give a little and get a lot. Works just fine with me. And this feels really good.
- You can stop now.
- Okay. 

I can hear him. He growls when he comes. I pretend to sleep. The other night I was aroused by something the woman had written. She has a vivid imagination and she’s a really good writer. He wants me to read the letters out loud. I had to release the tension, my balls were getting blue. I waited until he was asleep. At least I thought he was sleeping. He tricked me again. Made me believe I had woken him up, got me to bring him some water and then I had to rub his feet. At least I wasn’t horny anymore after that and it’s a cheap price to pay for my safety. And I think he liked it. 

Feet, neck, back. I can’t help myself. He touches me. I never touch him. Sure a smack on the head when we’re in general population. He gets that and he doesn’t complain. Nobody’s messing with him any more. That’s one thing that turned out as it was supposed to. One good thing I’ve done. I thought about it the other day. He’s the only one I’ve got. It’s sad but true. 

I think he’s beginning to like me. I’ve gone from feet to neck and now back. I must be good at this. Why else would he let me continue?
- Knife?
I press my finger down on a scar on the left side of his lower back.
- Toothbrush.
- And this?
- A pen.
- And this one?
I gently pull my finger over a larger scar.
- Knife. Don’t stop rubbing my back. I want you to do my neck too.
He doesn’t tense up any longer when I touch him. When we’re among others I often get a smack on the head. I get that and I don’t complain about it. I look down and follow him around. No one bothers me any more. I belong to Jonny. I’m finally safe. 

I can see him coming back. He looks sad. Visitation day. Not that I get any visits but he does. His oldest sister today I think. He walks right passed me, doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even look at me. He climbs straight into bed and stays there for the rest of the day. Nigh time and lockdown, and he’s still in bed. I’m actually beginning to worry.
- Mars. What is it? Has something happened?
- My dad has died.
- What?
- Heart attack. Three days ago. Three days and no one’s told me about it.
- Are you sad? I mean did you like your dad?
- Mm.
He’s sobbing. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
- Hey, won’t you come down? 
He lingers.
- Why?
- Come on down for fucks sake.
He sighs and moves very quietly. He turns his face away from me and sits down on the floor in front of me. After a little while he leans against my legs. I don’t know what else to do than to put my hand on his shoulder. He begins to cry. I stare at his shaking shoulders feeling kinda useless. I have to do something.
- Mars. Come here.
He looks at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.
- Please. 
He weighs barely one hundred and thirty pounds. I weigh two hundred and sixty pounds and I’m at least one and a half feet taller than him. He crawls into my lap. I hold him. He cries. It's okay. It feels good. It actually feels good having him in my arms. He’s my, what? What is he? My slave? My friend? He turns his head and looks straight at me. That look. He’s not a little mouse anymore. His eyes tell me that. I don’t know what comes over me. I bend down and kiss him. His face is all wet and his nose is runny. None of that matters. He is mine. Not because I want him to be. He’s the one that chose me. I can’t stop myself. I have to touch him. I want to. He’s lying on my bed and I take of his clothes. His skin is soft and unmarked. He’s beautiful. I’m all over him. Touching him. Kissing him. Everywhere. His body reacts to everything I’m doing. He starts to moan. When I finally touch his cock he comes in my hand. 

Sarah came. My world collapsed. I’ve been lying in my bed ever since. He’s back. Lockdown. I can hear him breathing. I really don’t want to talk to him.
- Mars. What is it? Has something happened?
- My dad has died.
- What?
- Heart attack. Three days ago. Three days and no one’s told me about it.
- Are you sad? I mean did you like your dad?
- Mm.
Please stop talking. I can’t hold back the tears much longer.
- Hey, won’t you come down?
I just want to scream; leave me alone. I wasn’t even allowed to give Sarah a hug.
- Why?
- Come on down for fucks sake.
I don’t want to. Still I climb down, turning my head away. I don’t want him to see how sad I am. I can do this. I have to. I just have to sit here on the floor for a while. Tired. So tired of everything. Why? Why did he have to die? I find myself leaning against his legs. Suddenly I feel his hand on my shoulder. It feels like I’m falling and I can’t hold back the tears any more. His hand is still on my shoulder. Steady and warm, keeping me upright.
- Mars. Come here.
No more games. I look at him.
- Please.  
I slowly get up. He pulls me close. Hugging me. I crawl into his arms. Crying. Letting it all out. I feel strangely safe. He holds me. Lets me cry. I can be anybody, play any kind of game. But not now. He needs to know that. I’m not a mouse. I look at him. He looks at me. Bends down and kisses me. On the mouth. On my neck and shoulder. He lifts me up and lays me on his bed, takes my clothes of. I feel his hands all over my body. His mouth and warm breath on my skin. What’s he doing? I don’t understand. His hands are soft and warm, his touch gentle. No one has touched me in this way in years. I start to relax. Surprisingly, my body’s reacting to his touch. I want him to touch me. I need it. And it feels so good. When he finally grabs my penis, I can’t help it. I come in his hand. 

Yesterday I got his dessert. He wants me to put on a few ponds. I’m Tim again when we’re alone...